• Wolf_359@lemmy.worldEnglish
    581·
    1 year ago

    My most common sin is inadvertently bringing up painful or offensive topics.

    Someone’s dad died last week? You can bet I’ll forget and start talking about Dads on accident. In fact, it happens so often that I almost think my subconscious does remember and that’s how it ends up on my mind.

    • snooggums@kbin.social
      152·
      1 year ago

      Generally stuff like that is held against someone when they didn’t even know their dad died, or didn’t realize that that particular person would overreact by being reminded of something that doesn’t seem associated.

      Basically, caring far more about someone’s reaction than intent (or lack thereof) that accidentally upsetting someone is breaking a social norm.

      • Captain_Waffles@lemmy.worldEnglish
        5·
        1 year ago

        Yep. I got in trouble for this exact thing, except I mentioned my father and it was their mother who had recently died. Oh, and I didn’t know this person, like I didn’t even know their name because I had literally just met them. How I was supposed to know their mom had recently died I have no idea. It ended my friendship with the person I did know after I was called all manner of unrepeatable things.

        • dreugeworst@lemmy.mlEnglish
          5·
          1 year ago

          I’m neurotypical, or at least haven’t been diagnosed with anything, but that sounds like a huge overreaction from you ex-friend. To me the way that should have gone is:

          • you mention father
          • new acquaintance gets upset
          • you apologise, perhaps stating you didn’t know about their mother and you’re so sorry
          • everyone tries to move on to another topic
          • Captain_Waffles@lemmy.worldEnglish
            3·
            1 year ago

            Yeah, like I felt bad that it caused them emotional pain, but being screamed into oblivion for asking to borrow a phone so I could call my father and tell him when I needed to be picked up was not the right response. I wasn’t even able to say “I’m sorry, I didn’t know” because she wouldn’t stop scream berating me (while ignoring her crying friend too). I just walked out of the room and ended up borrowing a strangers phone. We never spoke again. Thankfully the rumors she tried to spread about me were so unbelievable that no one believed them. Like my bully didn’t believe them they were that ludicrously bad.

            The thing that really confused me that I found out from someone else later was that their father was still alive. Did they just never refer to their father in any way? People are going to mention their parents. Like we were all in middle school, having to say “I have to ask my parents if I can do that, go to that, etc” is practically a daily phrase at that point in life.

            I just hope their friend got the help they needed. I never learned exactly when their mother passed, but it was at least several weeks in the past from what I gathered. Bursting into tears because someone simply mentions a parent, who isn’t even the one who died, suggests they need professional help. Obviously I’m not expecting people to get over a family member dying just because a certain amount of time has passed, but just hearing the word “Dad” shouldn’t cause a fountain of tears.

            • Captain_Waffles@lemmy.worldEnglish
              2·
              1 year ago

              Yeah, like grief is messy and I felt bad for her friend, but screaming at someone for something you know they didn’t know is not okay.

    • the post of tom joad@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      5·
      1 year ago

      I wonder if your response is similar to why im always compelled to clap someone on the shoulder when they have a sunburn even when they didn’t expressly tell me they do

  • BudgieMania@kbin.social
    6018·
    1 year ago

    If they wanted me to follow some rules that I’m apparently expected to know to make everyone comfortable, maybe they should’ve taught me that in school instead of trigonometry -_-

      • BudgieMania@kbin.social
        41·
        1 year ago

        Oh I didn’t mean disrespect against it, it is just the first school-soundy thing that came to mind.

        With that said I I will admit I couldn’t tell you off the top of my head what trigonometry actually is.

        • nickwitha_k (he/him)@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
          2·
          1 year ago

          With that said I I will admit I couldn’t tell you off the top of my head what trigonometry actually is.

          It’s the study of the geometry of triangles (trigon - three-sided polygon + metry - roughly measurement of, with an extra o to join them together). You can use the basic principles of some parts of it to make life easier.

          For example, the “3-4-5 rule”, based on the Pythagorean Theorem. If you need to make sure that something is roughly a 90° angle measure 3 units up one side and mark it, 4 units up the other and mark it, then measure the distance between the marks. If it is 5 units, then you have a 90° angle. The super cool thing is that you can use any unit used to measure linear distance; inches, angstroms, furlongs, kilometers, beard-seconds, whatever.

      • Umbrias@beehaw.orgEnglish
        2·
        1 year ago

        I used to think like this but let’s be honest, it’s not a fair shake. Social services should be somewhat capable of making up for poor, abusive, or absent parenting. School being the one social service children are practically guaranteed to interact with, it seems like a fair approach.

    • dust_accelerator@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
      131·
      1 year ago

      Maybe additionally, trigonometry is actually pretty useful. Learning capacity isn’t that limited, it’s motivation and attention that’s constantly out of stock.

    • Umbrias@beehaw.orgEnglish
      7·
      1 year ago

      Certainly can teach both. Math is not the problem school systems have and yet are always the target of abuse.

  • CarlsIII@kbin.social
    37·
    1 year ago

    In this scene, everyone is annoyed at Homer because he put on his weird music. “Don’t play your weird music“ is definitely one of those rules I keep defying

  • Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.worldEnglish
    241·
    1 year ago

    I once went to a BBQ and explained to them how to cook a burger. I also did a few other things too, like explaining to people how x or y worked.

    A few years later my therapist broke down all the problematic things I did and explained why I wasn’t invited in later years.

    • TheOakTree@beehaw.orgEnglish
      2·
      1 year ago

      It’s a “a lot of things” thing. Generally, the taboo around such behavior is just a symptom of a lack of empathy.

      Just about any person could go into a panic while in a state of stress and do something irrational, and just about everyone does at least a few times. In a shared moment of stress, you might see more empathy because “any of us could have panicked/froze/etc.,” but if it’s just you, “something’s wrong with that person.”

    • Martineski@lemmy.dbzer0.comOPEnglish
      92·
      1 year ago

      You can achieve the same effect through different ways. Just because ADHD people happen to break those rules it doesn’t mean they have to break them for the same reasons as autistic people for example.

      • 👁️👄👁️@lemm.eeEnglish
        126·
        1 year ago

        That’s social behaviors, like talking over others. It’s not lack of picking up social cues which is that “unwritten rule” your post is mentioning.