That’s why I always bring my phone to the bathroom. So if I get trapped, I can look at jeans shitposts until I die.

This is the best summary I could come up with:

A university academic who was trapped in the bathroom of a medieval tower for seven hours escaped using an eyeliner and a cotton bud.

University of Cambridge academic Dr Krisztina Ilko resides in the former Queens’ College rooms of the 16th Century philosopher, Erasmus.

She believed the latch on the heavy wooden bathroom door had been broken by a plumber working on her shower.

“I tried to bang the shower head on the door, break it with brute force, and shout for help but nothing worked and no-one could hear me”.

After multiple attempts, Ms Ilko called on her childhood love for the fictional problem-solver MacGyver to get herself out and handpicked the lock with an eyeliner and a cotton earbud.

Ms Ilko said: "Sometimes when I hear sounds around here I joke that it it is the ghost of Erasmus, then I thought I was going to join him and become a Cambridge legend.

The original article contains 353 words, the summary contains 155 words. Saved 56%. I’m a bot and I’m open source!

MacGyver would be proud

So she escaped England?

Someone send this to Richard Dean Anderson, stat

No phone/reception, huh?

So she escaped England?