This week is not going well for me and it is most likely self inflicted. I didn’t mean for things to go this way but I just have a problem keeping my mouth shut, it seems. I didn’t expect for things to go to such shit but here we are.

Today was supposed to be chill, I was doing some work for my online class when I heard the doorbell ring. I thought it was my mom as she is visiting today but when I checked it was my great-aunt. She was over to visit with my grandma (who I live with, obviously) and had some deliveries for her. I, of course, let her in and went back to my work (I was doing it in the kitchen). She then asked me how school was, I was honest and said it was disappointing. She asked why and I said grade-wise I’m doing fine, I’m just disappointed in my professors. She asked me to elaborate, so I did. I talked about the neo-Nazi symbols at school, the subsequent conversation and email (I did not tell her it was related to Ukraine). She offered some advice which I already knew about and then, because of the Nazi thing, asked if I heard about what happened in the government. I was like “yes, they brought a Nazi into parliament and everyone clapped for him.”

It then evolved from there, where we talked about people stepping down. I said everyone needed to go, not just the speaker and Trudeau, because how do you hear “WWII veteran who fought the Russians” and not think he’s a Nazi? I then told her the reason why that happened is because Canada was one of the countries that shipped over and protected many Nazis after WWII. She asked me why Canada would do that and I told her that Canada was scared of communists so they wanted the Nazis to help deal with them. She then got a little weird saying “I’m not trying to side with them but I believe that not all the Nazis were bad, some were just forced to be there because of Hitler.” I just went “Womp Womp” because thats not a good enough excuse for me. I explained the whole showing the tattoo thing and how many Nazis were given higher up positions in Canada and other institutions like NATO. She perked up at that saying “that’s why Trump wants to leave NATO” and I said “What? No, that’s definitely not why. Trump is his own form of Nazi, the only reason why he wants to leave NATO is because he doesn’t want to work with other countries, he only wants America’s gain.” Is this the best argument? No, but I wasn’t truly prepared for something like this to happen and I’m not the best at debating. Sorry to disappoint.

I kept talking (horrible mistake, I know) saying that Trump deserves to be arrested and she just kept shaking her damn head. I pushed more about how terrible he is and she kept shaking her damn head. I then went extreme and said “actually, you know what? He deserves to be shot.” I said this because she was getting weird and when talking with specific people I know extreme statements usually get them squirming. I know it was bad of me, I know and I regret it. Do I actually believe he should be shot? No, of course not. Arrested? Yes. I was only trying to get things going, I know my family members well enough, this would have worked. And it did, sort of.

She tried defending Trump a lot, talking about how there is no president like him and how he had the balls to go meet the “North Korea Guy,” I interjected saying it didn’t matter because he hates that “North Korean Guy.” She kept going about how the country was better with him and that he was stopping “illegals” from flooding into the country. She said 10,000 “illegals” from Mexico are coming over the border everyday and raping people. I laughed in her face. She got mad and demanded to know why I was laughing. I told her every time she comes to our (mine and my grandma’s) house she always spouts off western propaganda that is proven to be false time and time again. She was genuinely confused about this because all she is saying is what she’s read, and I said “yeah, from western biased media sources that constantly push propaganda that gets proven false later. You believe this racist immigrant lie and you believed the ‘Hamas chainsawing 40 babies’ lie too, it was literally proven to be false.” She kept crying about how Biden is allowing illegals to flood the country and I tried to push back but she kept interrupting me. At this point voices were being raised, my family are the types that constantly try to talk over each other and you cannot get a word in unless you are louder.

I pushed back against her saying that she’s calling Mexicans rapists and illegals when thats not the case at all, I wanted to talk about the school of Americas but she would not shut the hell up for two seconds. She told me she visited Mexico and that some of the people are nice (only some?) and that people will fly to Mexico and then illegally cross the US border, so not Mexicans? I called her out on this because before she was calling Mexicans illegal rapists but now she’s backtracking? She said she didn’t say that, she was only quoting Trump and I told her she wasn’t, she was stating it as a fact that she believed in. She cried (not literally) about a girl being killed by an illegal, I argued that people get killed everywhere by everyone but she’s not crying about that. She actually sort of agreed with that point.

I got even more annoyed and said “aunty, you are literally a fucking immigrant, you are closer to being Mexican than anything else. If you went to the US with your fucking accent do you think they’d treat you any differently?” This sentiment applies to Canada as well but we were talking about Trump so I focused on the US. I talked about how immigrants are severely exploited to keep profits high and how the US also exploits workers overseas to make more money. She interrupted me saying “Trump isn’t doing what he’s doing to make money because he has enough,” I was fucking stunned at this. I said, “so what? You might think he has enough, and he does, but he wants more! Capitalists like trump always want more! That’s the fucking point!” I wasn’t even arguing as an explicit communist, I was just stating facts. My aunt just shook her head saying I was wrong, even my grandma chimed in (which she never does) arguing in my favour that these rich people always want more. I think my aunt felt personally attacked because she herself is rich. I wasn’t even thinking that about her but now, after the fact, I can see what may have been happening. I don’t care though.

We kept arguing and I talked about how Trump was funding wars overseas just like Biden, they are both the same, they both fund genocide in Palestine. She got stern with me saying Palestine doesn’t exist. I was fucking stunned. I told her yes it does, she shakes her fucking head. It was a small back and forth, her saying Palestine never existed and the name was made up, I yelled back that Palestine existed before Israel became a state in 1948. The British colonized them to create Israel, the US supports this genocide and everything with Israel because they want a foothold in the Middle East. She had a hard time arguing back properly and just kept shaking her head and telling me Palestine doesn’t exist. I stopped the “debate” there. I said “not in my fucking house, I will not allow this shit to be said in my fucking house. We are done here.” I picked up my shit and left to my office. She tried to play nice saying “oh we’re just talking,” I argued that we weren’t just talking, this was racism and genocide denial and I will not allow it in my fucking house. She started to complain and I said “no, I get it, I’m the problem, clearly.” “We’re just talking,” “no we are not, this will not be allowed in my fucking house. Enough.” And I shut myself off in my office. She only stayed for a few minutes after that and eventually left. The second my office door closed I broke down into tears. I know it’s pathetic, but this happens every time I get overwhelmed with any emotion. My knees get ache-y and everything starts to get tense. I release all my pent up emotions through tears. I’m just glad it didn’t happen during the argument. My grandma seemed off after but she is talking to me so I don’t know if she’s mad, I hope she isn’t.

I ended up calling my mom to ask when she was coming over and she clearly knew I was messed up and I spilled the beans. She was not happy that I got into a political discussion because she knows how passionate I am about them, how I can’t let things go. I tried to explain why it happened in the first place, and while she agrees, she thinks I should’ve walked away a lot sooner. She’s right, I really should have, I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t know it would devolve so quickly. She tried to say that we all have our opinions and I pushed back about how some “opinions” are not valid because they have no factual basis. Sorry not sorry, but you will not be allowed to spout verifiable lies in my house, you also cannot be a Trump supporter in my house either. My mom agreed with me and when I said my aunt was being annoying she got angry on my behalf, she grew up with this aunt so she knows how bad it can get. She told me “aunt is very annoying and terrible, I only ever tolerated her. You can’t get through to her, she’s not like you. She doesn’t care about justice or about poor people like you do, she only wants the rich to get richer.” She was protective over me, she doesn’t want me to out myself as a communist, especially not to my aunt. I told her I didn’t tell her anything and I wasn’t arguing from a communist perspective. She understood and just told me not to get into these discussions anymore, I told her I put my foot down in the end so it’s probably not happening. I just cannot allow this horrible shit to be said in my house without repercussions. We couldn’t talk anymore after that as she was at an appointment but she said we’d talk more when she finally gets here (she’s not here yet).

I hope my grandma isn’t mad at me or traumatized from that. I didn’t get her involved at all, I swear. We were just talking in front of her but she still had to see it and even felt the need to butt in. Maybe when my mom comes she will give her side, I just don’t want her to be cross with me but I’ll understand if she is…