Months ago, I contacted my local PSL chapter wanting to join and interviewed with a member. They kept me updated about their upcoming events for a time but ultimately I never showed up to anything and they (understandably) stopped contacting me.
I kept telling myself this time was going to be different and that I’d meet up with them and finally start doing the praxis thing. I got all pumped up in the morning but when it came time to physically leave my apartment, I panicked and couldn’t do it.
I was raised by narcissists. It’s been hammered into me since birth to not speak up because my opinions don’t matter. Because of this I am a very reclusive and quiet person and take forever to open up to anyone. And I don’t usually post on any social media. I hate being in the spotlight. It’s taking some real effort and I mean like herculean to even type this and ask for help.
How the hell am I supposed to overcome this? Besides and in addition to going to therapy? Because I do want to join and contribute.
I just don’t feel adequate. I feel like I let not only myself down but every student and worker out there with some actual skin in this movement down.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. Y’all are wonderful people <3
Doing public action stuff is kinda like going to the gym. It’s great for you on multiple levels when you do it, but doesn’t really hurt when you don’t. I’d suggest you check out a smaller thing first, maybe a reading club or a local meeting. That way you can meet the people you’d be protesting with, maybe even link up and go together next time. But just the vibes of being around like-minded people are very inspiring and motivating.
Not going to the gym can hurt you in the long run if you don’t exercise though.
It’s a good analogy because of that actually. It’s also like the gym in that before you start going you probably overthink it and avoid it because it seems difficult but once you start going then you can get into the flow and it feels natural.