Hereās the story: I (24 F) was in a non-committal fwb ārelationshipā, I guess you can call it, with this guy (23 M) where we were seeing each other multiple times a week and hanging out, going on dates, sleeping together all summer, but never really discussed what it was. Which is fine. I wasnāt really that crazy about him tbh, he was kind of disrespectful of my political views (Iām a leftist, heās a hyper lib and āimmune to propaganda cause we have freedom of the pressāā¦ lol), he was also pretty bad at sex, but I donāt really know what I want anyways and Iām just happy to have someoneās company for the time being. We met in July and he broke things off in October.
The reason he initially broke things off is because his life started to get busier and I was clearly just not a priority for him. He got a job, lives in an apartment with his friends who want to do stuff with him at least once a week (standing appointment on Mondays), his dadās pretty active in his life, he has dinner with his mom and sisters every Sunday at 5, and he uses any time in-between to go to the gym. This wouldnāt have been problem except that I worked Mon-Fri and he worked Tues-Sat, and Sunday dinner was non-negotiable for him, leaving us with no real time to spend together. I tell him on a given Sunday, āmom and sisters will survive if you have to miss dinner every once in a whileā and followed by radio silence until he sends me this text, at 1pm the following Tuesday:
Fwd:
Hey, I apologize if youāve felt like Iāve led you on. Iām at a pretty busy point in my life where I have a lot of people around me and Iām sorry I canāt spend more time with you, I did enjoy the time we spent together and I really did like getting to know you. Thanks for introducing me to your life, but Iām breaking things off."
Okā¦ not sure where you Fwdād that from. Kinda disrespectful to do this over text, out of the blue, during the work day, two days after our last communication, and the implications of āsorry if I led you onā in a ābreaking things offā text is kinda gaslighty and gets under my skin, but whatever. Again, not that crazy about him. We were just spending time together. We could have totally negotiated or broke things off mutually if he had told me what the deal was.
Thereās just one hitch: I just bought a home and I was counting on him to help me move out of my apartment. I donāt really have anyone else in my life I would ask for that kind of help and probably wouldnāt have even gone looking for a home if it werenāt for him being available to help and hype me up for it. So I asked him and offered to pay him, he agreed and said I wouldnāt need to do that.
So fast forward a month, moving day comes, we havenāt talked at all besides coordinating the day. He brought a joint for us to smoke at some point, and heās talking about how we can do this and that together around my new place, so I have to ask āā¦do you still want to hang out then?ā and he says āyeah, if you still want toāā¦ Okā¦ you donāt really break up over text with someone you want to keep seeing but whatever, boys are dumb, Iāll proceed with caution. He was really helpful at managing things during the move; I have ADHD so I was super grateful to let him handle the executive functioning parts, especially being exhausted from painting all week on top of my full time job.
I got lunch for us both, my treat, and we got maybe 60% through moving all my stuff, until 7pm rolls around. Iām really aching to take a break at this point and just hang out for a while, maybe smoke that joint. He says āSorry, I have to go, theyāre having this this thing for food service workers (his line of work) in [city he lives in], I just got all these texts from my friends and theyāve been begging me all week.ā So now Iām left staring at this big pile of stuff in my walk-in basement where we dropped it all, Iām barely more than halfway out of my apartment, and I get kind of emotional cause I donāt have many people to call for help with the rest of it plus all the home improvement stuff that is also in progress, which I can do myself but would go by a lot faster with another person around.
Also, am I not a friend? This wasnāt the first time heās made me feel I was less important to him than all of the other people in his lifeā¦ and any of those times he could have invited me along if he really wanted to see me. He didnāt tell me ahead of time that he had a hard stop, he just picked up his phone and saw all the texts from his friends and decided on the spot to ditch me. I was only asking for one day out of the month since we last spoke, he was just talking up all the stuff we could do together and even mentioned how heād worked as a painter in the past. Also, I donāt know about anyone else, but Iāve never had friends that were ever around that much when we lived together, much less would drop whatever else they were doing cause I asked them to, or expected me to do so. Must be nice though.
We go return the U-Haul I rented, I drive him back to his car, we hug goodbye and he says ālet me know if you need any help with anythingā, I thank him for his help and we part ways.
The next week I text him, āHey Iāll probably be painting and/or unpacking on Monday if u wanna come by and help againā
No response.
The next day I call him, straight to voicemail. Wait a week, call again, same thing, so he must have blocked my number.
Donāt know why, he could have just said he didnāt want to help me or hang out again and I would have been fine with it. Maybe his friends got to him? There was one girl I could tell didnāt really like me. But then there was his guy friend that basically called him a womanizer in front of me. These are the two people he lives with. So thereās that.
Itās a couple weeks later now and I just found out from my gyno that I have chlamydia and I need to take antibiotics to treat it. Donāt really know who gave it to the other, he slept with at least one other girl while we were seeing each other but I hadnāt been tested in a while and there was a guy I slept with before him (who fucking broke me for a while btw and blocked me on everything but thatās a story for another time) who was kind of sleazy. I feel a responsibility to other women he could sleep with, but I have no way to personally contact this dude. He has a really generic name and all I have of his are his phone number (blocked), his home address, and where he works. I could go knock on his door, but itās a 40 minute drive and he might not even be there. I have half a mind to just call his work in the morning and have whoever picks up let him know the news, since heās made it clear he doesnāt want to ever talk to me or see me again and was just plain disrespectful about it. Is this too far?
I donāt really know what happens but Iām pretty sure it doesnāt go through.
How are you pretty sure? He could just as well have the phone without charge / powered off. Or broken or whatever.