I mean, mom was there too and presumably has at least half of parenting influence on the kids. Why no paragraphs of praise for her, or even a mention beyond the fact that she guided in the trailer (which is only in there so the writer could compliment the dad more on getting it ‘first try’)?
Because of the implicit assumption that yeah, obviously moms are good at parenting–just business as usual–but when a DAD is good at it, strangers take the time to write a whole diatribe about it. Meanwhile mom gets no praise, she’s just doing what she’s supposed to in this guy’s opinion.
Shit is fucked, exhausting, demoralizing, and so pervasive.
EDIT: MRAs alive and thriving here on Lemmy, as always
You have a valid point about the historical unfair distribution of labor in heterosexual relationships, but for the love of Jesus, can you not just let the guy have a win?
Your whole response is very “all lives matter,” and it’s extremely off-putting … even to me, a woman who is very firmly on your side about the unfairness of the emotional and domestic labor workload that is foisted upon women.
Read the room. This conversation is an opportunity to recognize that men could do with some encouragement sometimes for doing things well. That doesn’t mean women don’t also deserve encouragement when they do something well.
Both things can be true simultaneously. But we’re not talking about both things here. Don’t derail the former conversation to try to make it about the latter. Surely you can see from the downvotes that your digression isn’t getting any traction.
People who might otherwise listen to what you have to say are actively dismissing your ideas because they are not receptive to those ideas as a part of this conversation. If you find that is a common theme in your experience, it’s probably because you aren’t making ideal choices about how to start these conversations. (Unless your whole goal is just trolling, in which case … congratulations, I guess?)
The old saying is trite, but it’s also true: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
That would make sense if the mom wasn’t also there parenting, trying to make some good memories with her family. Instead, creepy note guy ignores her entirely, which is very inline with what I’m talking about, unfortunately. Moms will and do get straight ignored while heaps of praise is lavished on dads just for being there with the kids. It’s a pretty common experience, and I would feel pretty annoyed if I were the mom and I found that note before husband did.
I understand why they react this way, but I have to admit, I don’t compliment women very often anymore. At least the guys don’t need to assume I have some other motive in order to feel safe.
Nice job with that edit, lumping people who disagree with you into a group so you can easily label them with your stereotypes 👏👏👏 How tolerant of you 👏👏👏
I’d hardly call men getting compliments pervasive. Sure the note should’ve said “both of you were doing great” but don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater
I mean, mom was there too and presumably has at least half of parenting influence on the kids. Why no paragraphs of praise for her, or even a mention beyond the fact that she guided in the trailer (which is only in there so the writer could compliment the dad more on getting it ‘first try’)?
Because of the implicit assumption that yeah, obviously moms are good at parenting–just business as usual–but when a DAD is good at it, strangers take the time to write a whole diatribe about it. Meanwhile mom gets no praise, she’s just doing what she’s supposed to in this guy’s opinion.
Shit is fucked, exhausting, demoralizing, and so pervasive.
EDIT: MRAs alive and thriving here on Lemmy, as always
You have a valid point about the historical unfair distribution of labor in heterosexual relationships, but for the love of Jesus, can you not just let the guy have a win?
Your whole response is very “all lives matter,” and it’s extremely off-putting … even to me, a woman who is very firmly on your side about the unfairness of the emotional and domestic labor workload that is foisted upon women.
Read the room. This conversation is an opportunity to recognize that men could do with some encouragement sometimes for doing things well. That doesn’t mean women don’t also deserve encouragement when they do something well.
Both things can be true simultaneously. But we’re not talking about both things here. Don’t derail the former conversation to try to make it about the latter. Surely you can see from the downvotes that your digression isn’t getting any traction.
People who might otherwise listen to what you have to say are actively dismissing your ideas because they are not receptive to those ideas as a part of this conversation. If you find that is a common theme in your experience, it’s probably because you aren’t making ideal choices about how to start these conversations. (Unless your whole goal is just trolling, in which case … congratulations, I guess?)
The old saying is trite, but it’s also true: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
I think it was more that a dad wanted to compliment another dad, as someone who might relate to him easier.
It even says that in the note.
That would make sense if the mom wasn’t also there parenting, trying to make some good memories with her family. Instead, creepy note guy ignores her entirely, which is very inline with what I’m talking about, unfortunately. Moms will and do get straight ignored while heaps of praise is lavished on dads just for being there with the kids. It’s a pretty common experience, and I would feel pretty annoyed if I were the mom and I found that note before husband did.
‘I’m married.’
‘I have a boyfriend.’
‘I don’t need your help.’
I understand why they react this way, but I have to admit, I don’t compliment women very often anymore. At least the guys don’t need to assume I have some other motive in order to feel safe.
Lmao Jesus it didn’t take long for the mask to come off. Holy false equivalency and strawmaning, batman.
Nice job with that edit, lumping people who disagree with you into a group so you can easily label them with your stereotypes 👏👏👏 How tolerant of you 👏👏👏
Legit question: what’s an MRA?
I had to kagi this one myself, apparently it’s a “Men’s Rights Activist”… TIL this is a thing
Thanks for the explanation!
Tolerance is a peace treaty. Once one party voids it, they are no longer protected by it. Very “so much for the tolerant left” of you.
If your idea of voiding peace is disagreeing, you might be a bigot
Precisely, hence why your actions deserve no peace ✌🏻
I’d hardly call men getting compliments pervasive. Sure the note should’ve said “both of you were doing great” but don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater
Men getting excessive praise just for being a decent parent is extremely different than men just getting compliments. Let’s engage in good faith here.