I was filled with self hatred to the point where I just decided to kill myself. I drove 3 hours outside of my home, checked into a hotel and swallowed about 200 aspirin.
God brought me through that, having your stomach pumped is not fun.
I was trying to pick up the pieces of my life and was working as a Pizza delivery driver. I got mugged. They hit me from behind so hard that paramedics were astonished that I wasn’t dead.
The muggers ran forward said some crap and it was lights out. All I remember was this darkness that terrified me. When I came to I didn’t hate myself anymore. There are other acts of kindness and mercy that happened during that time that contributed to my freedom from self hatred, but God lifted a large part of that off of me. I have never struggled with it since.
Now when I pray for change I am always mindful to ask God to change me gently.
I still have difficulties from the mugging, it really messed me up. With a few simple precautions most people wouldn’t notice them. I don’t mind them at all. Even with the things I have to endure (minor as they are) I am free from self hatred.
I was filled with self hatred to the point where I just decided to kill myself. I drove 3 hours outside of my home, checked into a hotel and swallowed about 200 aspirin.
God brought me through that, having your stomach pumped is not fun.
I was trying to pick up the pieces of my life and was working as a Pizza delivery driver. I got mugged. They hit me from behind so hard that paramedics were astonished that I wasn’t dead.
The muggers ran forward said some crap and it was lights out. All I remember was this darkness that terrified me. When I came to I didn’t hate myself anymore. There are other acts of kindness and mercy that happened during that time that contributed to my freedom from self hatred, but God lifted a large part of that off of me. I have never struggled with it since.
Now when I pray for change I am always mindful to ask God to change me gently.
I still have difficulties from the mugging, it really messed me up. With a few simple precautions most people wouldn’t notice them. I don’t mind them at all. Even with the things I have to endure (minor as they are) I am free from self hatred.
I’m glad you didn’t kill yourself. You should be proud of yourself man. It’s going to be alright. Just keep going
All of that was over 20 years ago. It’s been a journey. Thank you for the encouragement!!