Okay lemme preface this by saying unker hyatt is also not the best at this. I’m in my early 30s (F), I’m not that great at small talk, I don’t have fire one line starters (please share if you do, PLEASE), and I’m also really bad at returning texts, but when I am present, I am present, so take what I write here with a pinch of salt; it’s mostly anecdotal but if anyone can relate, please validate my experience T.T

  1. The handsome offshore engineer or pilot from foreign country type
    These have got to be bots, right? I’ve never stuck around to find out, but they often have very short bios and have horrible English despite coming from majority English-speaking countries.

  2. The level 40++ wizard type
    Personally, I think I prefer having someone that has some relationship experience at my age. I don’t think I have the energy to deal with the training wheels all over again and to be honest, I feel like men who’s lived alone all this while would find it hard to have their routine, space and privacy disturbed. They’ve probably also settled in taking care of themselves that mentally it might not occur to them to extend the same care to their special other, especially after when the honeymoon period ends. Either that or they put you on a pedestal on the account of being ✨ female ✨, which in itself is very very uncomfortable. Please touch some grass… These types are also more likely to mansplain stuff to you, and somehow have developed very rigid ideas relating to “man vs women” type of stuff that often comes off very misogynistic, which makes me no longer wonder why they are still single at their age…

  3. The dry talking type
    Why. Like why would you not ask me some things as well? And why are you just answering questions with a yes and a no without elaboration? Why are you even on apps if you chat this way? Do you regret matching with me? Like what is it??

  4. The over eager type
    I’m not sure if this is gender specific, but I have a feeling it could have stemmed from just being jaded using these apps over time. I’ve had some chats where they just straight up ask to meet up from like the first or second chat. As an introvert I would hate to meet up with someone I haven’t made sure we at least have something in common yet. Is it just me? I think it’s super aggressive, or worse, it could be a MLM meeting!

  5. The no respect for privacy type
    “Can I have your number? What company do you work for? Where do you live?” Bro…

  6. The want to hampsap but don’t dare to hamsap all the way type
    “Wow, your dress is so gorgeous… hugs you in all the right places… especially your… 😋”

  7. The terus hamsap all the way type
    “Greetings, here is my dick.”

  8. The condescending type
    “Aren’t you flattered?” Uh, no. Bad way to start any sort of relationship when you make the other party feel like you threw them a bone.

  9. The time traveler’s wife type
    This one I am guilty of. Sure no one is “bad” at texting, but I’m really bad at checking my dating apps when there isn’t any exciting chatter. I am also busy, but honestly I’m not even sure I would even if I wasn’t. I’ve also had really nice chats where the guy replies like, in two days or more. That coupled with my own shitty tendencies pretty much sealed the fate of whatever potential that date could have I guess :/ When he does reply, I try my best to chat as much as I can because I don’t know when is the next time we could again as soon as he disappears 😂

  10. The bio don’t match experience type
    I’m not that great at small talk (in fact I hate it with a vengeance…) so I often start with information gleaned from their profile. Kinda weird sometimes when I refer to their job or something they said they enjoy doing and getting a “huh?”. I’m still not quite sure what to make of it…

So yup, that’s mostly my experience on dating apps so far. I’ve since taken a break from dating apps and choosing to take it easy instead. I dunno, it feels shallow and empty, and starting to feel like a chore at times… and I’m not even doing it often, lol. I’ve met guys irl that I would have loved to date which I might not have swiped on from an app, and vice versa. I think meeting people in an organic setting feels more authentic, with or without romantic expectations. Just making friends, and just friends, feels way more satisfying tbh which was what I have been doing on the sub so far.

Now that we’re on a new platform… well I guess we’ll see if I can make some here too :)

  • cendawanita@monyet.ccEnglish
    7·
    1 year ago

    At this point I’ve sworn off dating apps because guys want to be funny, and I love (LOVE) funny men… But I’m funnier.

      • cendawanita@monyet.ccEnglish
        2·
        1 year ago

        Maybe! I’m not holding out hope tho. Most dudes in the Klang Valley area, if they’re raised anglophone and middle class and above, English fluency is one thing they flex a lot as a status symbol and within that, the delusion to think just because they watch a lot of insert stand-up comedian of the west they can also be funny. XD but that’s just me bitching about two separate though connected things (status flexing thru English; and just because you’re fluent in English doesn’t mean you’re smart because the teacher said so. It just means there’s one more language you’re stupid in. That last bit is gender-neutral tho, don’t worry 😂 applies to me too)

  • weecious@monyet.ccEnglish
    4·
    1 year ago

    Reading what you ladies shared about your dating experience, it’s definitely exhausting. I tried using Bumble once, deleted it less than a week in iirc.

    I’m glad I don’t have to go through the whole song and dance of the dating apps.

  • 😐🇲🇾@monyet.ccEnglish
    4·
    1 year ago

    Dating is basically two things.

    • Playing the numbers game until you meet someone who clicks.
    • Adjusting your expectations (normally as you get older)

    You’ve said it yourself.

    I’ve met guys irl that I would have loved to date which I might not have swiped on from an app, and vice versa

    Essentially if you wanna date you gotta have a positive mindset about it. Else the relationship is already facing an uphill battle and will likely fail.

    • jellodi@monyet.ccOPMEnglish
      3·
      1 year ago

      The last few dates I was on was through mutual circles, not via apps. I did go in with a positive mindset, but came out feeling beaten :/

      In the end, I feel it’s really just about personalities. Some take longer to show, some instant. Sure we may be discount the growers not show-ers, but to put in so much effort into every single match is exhausting even if we really really wanted to, which seems to be multiplied while using apps.

      Meeting organically is much better, we’d meet as friends first so we’d at least still make a friend imo! At the essence of it I do like learning about people as people, not as potential mates so this feels less like a chore and more like an experience.

  • Tarlia@monyet.ccMEnglish
    3·
    1 year ago

    I’m older (F40+) and going through dating apps is a whole waste of time. It’s mostly scammers looking for lonely older women to scam, and dudes who don’t bother filling out their bios. Very hard to find anyone who would last more than a couple of days of “hi” and “how ru” back and forth.

    The best match I ever had was in Singapore, while I was in the departure lounge at Changi. He started out strong, and the banter was great and we did exchange Telegram handles. But he stopped making effort to develop any conversations, and when I tried, he gave short answers that told me nothing about him. Now you’d think he wasn’t interested but he was the one who initiates. Eventually I stopped replying to the uninspiring “hi”.

    My toxic trait is that if I’m busy, I ignore non-urgent or low-effort attempts to engage.

    • jellodi@monyet.ccOPMEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      We share the same toxic trait ^^"

      Should we try harder or is it asking too much expecting to vibe from the get go? I’d for sure initiate a chat if I thought there was some potential though. If I don’t, I’m just lukewarm and thus I wouldn’t purpose chat just to chat, but I still feel like maybe it’s not “fair” to always expect men to be the one to always initiate the chat?

      • Tarlia@monyet.ccMEnglish
        2·
        1 year ago

        I don’t believe in expecting the man to initiate, but based on my experience on Bumble, it’s the same outcome after you allow them to speak. 😆 So in a way, I like that Bumble disconnects the match if there’s no convo.

        A conversation is a two-way street. If you find that you are initiating more or if he’s not holding up his end of the convo (ie not asking open-ended questions), he maybe layan only. There’s a limit to how long I’d play this game before I stop initiating.

  • dcx@monyet.ccEnglish
    3·
    1 year ago

    Aaaaa I’m in this photo and I don’t like it :< I think I might be #2 and #9, ask me anything lol

    • armandtanzarianmusic@monyet.ccEnglish
      4·
      1 year ago

      I’m definitely #9. I have all notifications off so I’m a bit notorious for not responding on time ever. Add to that my stupid schedule and… yeah.

        • armandtanzarianmusic@monyet.ccEnglish
          1·
          1 year ago

          Yeah using dating apps in the middle of a mental breakdown, not great.

          Side note, DM me your number. I’m looking for a bassist, if you still play.

          • jellodi@monyet.ccOPMEnglish
            1·
            1 year ago

            I was learning to be a bassist, I am not great at all. Certainly can’t play like you guys do!

            I’ll just be content being a groupie for now hahaha.

    • jellodi@monyet.ccOPMEnglish
      2·
      1 year ago

      you #2 meh

      Also, if you’re number 9, would you then also be open to date a female number 9?

    • weecious@monyet.ccEnglish
      2·
      1 year ago

      What dating apps have you used? Why dating experience? Would you say you’re married to your job? Have you tried dating someone from reddit?

      • dcx@monyet.ccEnglish
        2·
        1 year ago

        What dating apps have you used?

        Hmm actually I haven’t really, almost at all. I tend to meet people IRL.

        Why dating experience?

        But in general I’m a workaholic serial monogamist, so I don’t have as many relationships under my belt as most - 3-4 longer term and a sprinkling of dates (#2) and am sometimes unresponsive and drop off the map all the time (#9). Sorry future partners. Huh actually! This reminds me of something I actually want to know haha. I’ll post a question about this to the sub tomorrow.

        Would you say you’re married to your job?

        Career is important to me right now, yeah. Lots of opportunities that only happen once per lifetime. But at some level I wonder if I’m just avoiding the relationships dimension of life.

        Have you tried dating someone from reddit?

        Kinda? A long time ago? It went okay. I’d prefer not to go into details to respect their privacy. Reddit has been a surprisingly great way to meet people IRL! For friends, activities, fun / useful / interesting people of all kinds. The Malaysians who reddit tend to all be polarised in the same direction. 7/7 with rice, have not been murdered yet

    • 25thSkye@monyet.ccEnglish
      2·
      1 year ago

      Me too :/ haven’t had much luck with dating because I’m a shut-in (weekends are for resting lol) and dating apps honestly get tiring after a while. It’s always the same song and dance no matter the app.

      It’s difficult to maintain a conversation when people don’t reciprocate (or they feel the conversation is boring but don’t contribute either) and sometimes life gets in the way of actually meeting up (both mine or my conversation partner) and by the time we’re both free, the spark kinda fizzles out.

    • jellodi@monyet.ccOPMEnglish
      4·
      1 year ago

      hamsap must hamsap… sexual attraction is very important, but should not be the first and only thing >.<

    • cendawanita@monyet.ccEnglish
      2·
      1 year ago

      i think people donno how to flirt anymore, esp online with no other cues, so dk how to be smooth (and honestly there’s no script – the answer mmg simple but hard: see how the other person punya mood to layan)

  • Penang Kia@monyet.ccEnglish
    2·
    1 year ago

    Reading all this I remember why I gave up on online dating years ago. I always get the “tell you about their ex and why they broke up guy”. The guys that want you to mother them. Why I get them I donno

  • blubblubblub@monyet.ccEnglish
    1·
    1 year ago

    Gotta agree with you on the types of guys! And yes I can feel you about dating apps feeling like a chore and sometimes draining. It feels boring to me, and I’m also with you on meeting The One offline and having that organic connection with them.

    I also worry sometimes that I may feel like I’m only looking for male validation on my physical attributes - how many likes I get etc. so I try not to go on it so much.

    • jellodi@monyet.ccOPMEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      I also worry sometimes that I may feel like I’m only looking for male validation on my physical attributes - how many likes I get etc. so I try not to go on it so much.

      sameeeeeeeeeee huhu. I always go in feeling great and come out feeling haggard and disgusting… T.T