I’m not sure whether this is the right place for this question, but… How do you know?
Like, I would 100% be a woman if I could choose. I also always play a female character in games. When I see a girl I feel a strong sexual attraction, but I also feel jealous of her.
But, I’m honestly not sure if I am not cisgendered. I feel like I missed the boat. I also don’t know if I am sure enough. Is this impostor syndrome? How do I know it’s not just sexual attraction? Or me being unhappy with the role men have in this world? Or me being depressed otherwise? It all seems like a big tangled mess.
Thanks a lot for all the comments. I made an appointment with my GP next week and hope that he can refer me to a therapist. All the best to you all <3
I would 100% be a woman if I could choose
Well, that’s a pretty good indication right there
How do I know it’s not just sexual attraction?
Cis people generally don’t experience the desire to transition when they experience attraction
Or me being unhappy with the role men have in this world? Or me being depressed otherwise?
This can still be true if you are trans. It sounds to me like the best possible thing would be for you to connect with a therapist, preferably one with experience in gender affirming care. That would go a long way towards untangling the mess, although I know it isn’t accessible to everyone depending on your situation.
Yeah, I think I have to commit to finding a good therapist. Seeking care is not something I was brought up with, but it does seem like the right path.
Often, people who ask this question already know the answer, deep down. In those cases, the issue isn’t so much that they don’t know the answer, but rather that they’re afraid of the consequences of accepting that answer.
And to me, it sounds like maybe you do know the answer…
This was a big break through point for me. It was never a question of if I was a girl but rather if I was strong enough to handle being exposed as such. Once I understood my fear it was only a matter of courage. Now I’m still not perfect but I’m much more genuine now than I’ve ever been before.
By the way OP, I started transitioning at 36. It’s never too late.
Cisgender people basically don’t ever think about being the opposite gender. The fact that you’re even questioning is practically guaranteed that you’re at least some level of transgender. Whether or not it’s bothering you enough to pursue it is something that you have to figure out for yourself unfortunately. It will all come down to how badly you want it, how accepting your friends and family are, and how accepting the society you live in is or how much you’re willing to put up with from society at large.
Yeah, I was wondering if people did. Reactions is what is part of what scares me to even find out though. Seeing how brave others are on here though certainlh helps.
I think at least when it comes to you deciding if you are or aren’t transgender just in your own head, I would consider a perfect scenario where everyone is 100% accepting and you’ll face absolutely no challenges as a result of transitioning. But once you’ve decided whether you are or aren’t transgender then I would start considering your options and what you’re comfortable with. Just because you’re transgender that doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to transition. Just knowing that in your own head or disclosing it to people you trust can be enough for some people.
My limited experience talking to people who I don’t think would lie about it suggests to me men don’t generally think about it. And according to at least one comment I saw on this topic, someone mentioned how some femboys have never considered the idea.
Like, my brother can be GNC at times, but like he like being a GNC man. Even when I asked him to consider if he could have a matrix-like VR experience what type of body would he want, he thought the idea of having a feminine body seemed fun, but he still wanted to be a man and just thought trolling could be fun.
My cousin consistently plays stereotypical male characters in video games and cares about how they look.
My best friend similarly always plays a male character and seems proud about how their character presents. And has teased me for sometimes making a girl character (in one case, I suppose it was more making fun of me using a feminized version of my own name for the character… that was a decade before I considered I might not be entirely cis).
I would assume that anyone negatively affected by sexism / gender roles (nearly everyone) has thought about being a different gender.
I assumed “thought about being a different gender” in this context meant “actively desiring it irrespective of negative impacts of sexism and gender roles.” Such that, even if one could magically take away those negative impacts, the desire would remain.
For what it’s worth I (cis, a man) have felt less than a man on occasion and have always been more of the quiet, sensitive, bookish type. Sure, I have pondered being another gender briefly here or there – as a thought experiment or trying to empathize, perhaps – but I have never seriously wanted to trade being a man for any reason. I want to stay how I am, actually.
Hopefully this is helpful to some.
There are quite a few mainstream series and movies that touched upon the subject (albeit mostly poorly). So in that regard most people will have at least thought about it once. Probably not for long though.
I would 100% be a woman if I could choose
you can choose.
so, you 100% are a woman
problem solved by logic
:3
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Wasn’t there a strenght penalty in D&D or something? Totally worth it though.
I don’t recall that being a thing in the versions I played (2e and 3e).
The Fallout games typically have -1str +1end for women. Which, given it’s a point buy system, is essentially a non-difference.
I feel like there were other crpgs in the '90s that similarly did strength for charisma (yikes) but I can’t think of any specific examples off the top of my head.
I would implore you and @[email protected] to read the following articles:
It’s just a fetish right?Thank you, I will read through this after work!
Like, I would 100% be a woman if I could choose.
You know by believing yourself when you write something like this. No cis person would ever say that and mean it.
I suspect there’s some people who might sorta mean it in the moment they say it if they’re jealous about something like some girl getting free drinks or something. Like, they don’t want to be a woman though: they want some perk some women get. Likewise, a woman who wishes they were a man to avoid some forms of sexual harassment or workplace discrimination may mean it in a way, but may still be cis.
There’s no one easy way that works for everyone to be sure. You have to find your own answer. Being trans isn’t an externally measurable truth, it’s something only you can ever know. I knew after I transitioned and then briefly detransitioned. The 2 months I spent off hormones was almost 6 years ago. I’ve never once regretted retransitioning. I didn’t know for sure, I took 2 months off hormones and using my deadname, and it was never a question for me again. The pain I felt every time I heard that name told me everything I needed to know. But for me thats what it took to be sure. Self doubt lingered for me even after starting HRT and changing my name and pronouns.
But thats only me, and everyone has their own unique experiences of self-acceptance. You have to introspect. Open yourself to the possibility that you’re not cisgender, and ask yourself what it is you really want to be, who you really want to be to yourself and to everyone else. Try using different pronouns. Try going by a different name. Dress differently, do things you want to do but have always felt like you couldn’t. Play with your expression and presentation. Do things that make you feel great, and things that make you feel great about yourself.
Experimentation does sound like a good next step (in addition to finding a therapist). I think I was too internally blocked to even consider experimenting with these things.
I came to this from my pursuit of the self. I was neglected and abused as a child and came into adulthood with very little sense of self. When I found and cultivated my sense of self, I persistently found that being myself in private was being a woman. I can’t tell you who you are, but seek yourself. Grow yourself, explore your ego. The answer is in there.
Relatable, I also had minimal sense of self, but I think due to being on the spectrum. It’s an ongoing process to develop who I am, to form an actual sense of identity instead of imitating the people I’m around. Gender is only one part of it.
Even if I never came out, the journey of self exploration has been very rewarding.
I don’t really have anything to add, other than I feel like I’m in the same, or a similar, boat. “I kinda think I’m trans but that’s a big commitment and what if I’m wrong” sums me up
It sounds like you’re literally me, I’ve had every single one of those thoughts and honestly, I’m only slightly ahead of you in that I’ve had some therapy now and I understand that I’m trans, even if I haven’t fully accepted it yet. Therapy is definitely step 1, and also some gentle experimentation, remember though that this process will take as long as it takes, you can’t rush it. If you decide to try on women’s clothes I definitely recommend getting a padded bra and some tights, the only time so far I’ve felt good in them is thanks to those two
What do you mean by “I feel like I missed the boat”?
In the sense that maybe I’m too old and are past some point of no return. Probably not a very constructive thought.
I thought that’s what you meant. We’ve all had those
In the sense that maybe I’m too old and are past some point of no return.
I’m 34 and have never looked or felt better in my life because I finally got my hormones like a year ago. I am thriving because I am me. I know that’s not terribly old, but you get my point. I can’t tell you who you are, but it’s only too late if you’re dead. Whoever you are, be that person now.
I don’t have any answers for you, but I just wanted to let you know you’re definitely not the only one.
Thank you! And best of luck to everyone!
All I know is that cis people don’t think the things I think.
Thanks for the post. I know it’s not what you intended but I can definitely relate to some of these thoughts, helps reading the comments.
I am very happy with the comments and am also very happy if they help others.
