I’ve actually been wondering about this for a while. Realised this is a really good place to ask!
So when you’re dating someone in Malaysia. How often do you like to check in with your partner? How much is too much or too little?
I’m a pretty independent nyet so once every couple days feels about right for me. And maybe share some funny link if it pops up. Any more and I start feeling this slightly smothering obligation hanging in the air. But I’ve heard a pretty wide range on what people think is normal / makes them insecure. Like some couples wish each other good morning and good night every single day kinda thing. (But also some couples wear 100% matching outfits when they go out. Pls just let me die instead)
I’m curious what you mean by dating? Because I think the expectations shift slightly once it’s an official relationship. I do find it unfair though when partners expect a 180 degree change.
Anyway you sound like a cat - https://www.huffpost.com/archive/ca/entry/are-you-a-cat-or-a-dog-in-relationships_b_6832072/amp
I think different people have different contact needs and it will be easier if you and your partner align.
This is the personal story part:
I’ve felt suffocated by previous partners - the daily good mornings and good nights felt like checking in on a mobile app game.
It’s not like I disliked or didn’t prioritise them, I am dating them after all. Most likely just a mismatch and lack of compatibility. My friends weren’t helpful either with their “aww he’s so sweet, I wish my partner was that affectionate”.
Right now I’m with someone whose level of contact matches mine and honestly it’s the best and healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. I never ever thought such smooth sailing was possible.
I used to say relationships are work and effort but we’ve been coasting so far. Touch wood, maybe we’re just very compatible :)
I feel like a lot of finding a similar person is down to luck, so I hope you’ll find your person soon! If you’re with someone that has similar values and ways of dealing, communication will just naturally be easier. :)
I can’t with the good mornings and the good nights either. I consider that part of small talk and I just can’t stand empty chatter for the sake of it. I’d much rather be sent a funny meme that reminded them of me tbh.
In my previous long term, I noticed that I could go about two days without needing to check in with them, and when he does come over, we don’t really chatter much about our day to day either; just enjoy existing in the same space together, doing separate things.
I used to compare with other couples and wonder if we actually enjoy each other’s company.
Your current situation sounds extremely promising though! I do think that comparison is a thief of joy. You don’t need to always have fun activities and constantly engage each other to be “loving” me thinks. If you’re happy, you’re happy. Don’t let other people (including yourself) think otherwise!
Hmmm I think people who do that think of it as a “I’m thinking of you”, it’s probably not small talk to them. I’m extremely not into it as well though, so that’s just guesswork haha.
Sounds like both of you were on the same page for amount of contact! Just being together and enjoying each other’s company is underrated imo.
My previous long term was exhausting because he wanted way more contact than I did - ended up I felt smothered and he felt unloved. My mistake was trying to give more than I could.
Anyway, we all live and learn. Definitely happier to be in a much less stressful relationship now :)
It’s always coming from a place of love and affection I’m sure, but I feel like it’s almost formal?
“good morning love”
“good morning! have a nice day”
It’s so… not intimate, but that’s just me!
It really is underrated but it’s also somewhat overrated to think that “love conquers all” as well; you still need to be a responsible and considerate human being to your housemate that you “love” and have a good time with.
Cheers to that, love!