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The original was posted on /r/aitah by /u/throwaway_75O on 2023-10-07 03:23:14.

On Wednesday I gave my now ex money to buy supplies & gifts for my son’s birthday because I had to work. He took the money, the list, and acted excited to shop for him. When I got home from work I asked if he was able to find everything we needed. He started crying saying he was forced to repay his loan shark or they were going to hurt him. He used my $250 to cover a gambling debt that I didn’t know he had. He said that we don’t have “my money vs his money”, that it is “our money”. There is no ring on my hand. I had to doordash for over a month on my hour lunch break to earn this extra money for my son’s birthday. I asked him If he owed some dangerous loan shark money why wasn’t he working extra to repay them? He is an able bodied adult if he was afraid for his life he sure didn’t act like it. He told me his gambling isn’t that big of a deal and that he will just repay me when he gets paid.

Absolutely not! He stole from a child, his gambling IS A BIG DEAL. He told me I really needed to rethink my decision because we could just pretend his birthday was on another day, “he doesn’t know it’s her birthday”. My son has special needs but is high functioning, he knows his birthday is coming up, and he knows we are supposed to have a party. It’s already harder for boys to make friends let alone having a disability that seems “weird” to other kids but he TEN kids RSVP to his party that is supposed to be on Sunday. I already paid the partial deposit for the jump gym. He tried telling me I should just forgive him because “no one will want you with a (slur-R word) son.

I told him to leave & I broke up with him on the spot. I gave him enough time to get his stuff despite him saying sorry & begging me. I told him he had 24 hours to give me my money back and that he needed to find somewhere else to stay because I have 3 kids here who I’m not going to have in potential danger because of him. Today I went to make a police report for the money (to show him I was serious so that he would bring my money back). I told the officer what had happened and was told that since I gave him the money that it wasn’t a crime so I couldn’t make a report.

I was telling my friend about what happened and she basically said that he was a good guy who just made a mistake. That dating these days is hard as hell and I’m never going to find another guy who will want me with all my baggage. (I have 3 kids whose dad is in prison for nearly killing me.) “When you are in a relationship you help each other”. “It’s creepy that you are choosing a child over a grown man”. She told me I should just cancel the party and swallow the cost of the deposit. To just pretend his birthday is actually after I get paid. I’m sick to my stomach that these people in my life think just because my son has disabilities I can easily manipulate him. I’m going to have to cancel and call all the parents which is giving me so much anxiety because when I’m upset I cry and I’m about to be boohooing while trying to explain to my son what happened. My now ex was the only male figure in his life and this is going to crush him.

Am I living in the twilight zone, how am I the asshole here?