This is a series of videos I watched years ago in which an ex-Christian explains in detail his journey away from his faith. What I like about this series is that it illustrates how the deconversion process is gradual rather than revelatory and involves a ton of back-and-forth self-questioning, tribulation, anxiety, and even depression. It is not an easy process–something we would all do well to remember while we’re posting about how irrational theistic beliefs are.
I was 9 or 10 years old, in a fundamentalist Catholic school, where they hit us and made us attend religion class every day and mass three times a week. Some of the kids were extremely devout. I tried to be a good Catholic and didn’t question anything. The nuns reveled in telling us that we were all Sinners, and we could never be worthy of the great sacrifice of Jesus’s life.
One day after school I had a total panic attack that I might never be good enough to avoid hell. I was crying for several minutes. A voice in my head said, “No one knows if any of the things they claim are true.”
I immediately felt a tremendous sense of relief, and I never doubted or questioned if there was a god or gods again. I can still remember where I was, what I was wearing, the time of day it was. It was a profound and revelatory experience.
Edit : I’m sure many faithful people would say I was never a good Christian, but that’s just a no true Scotsman
Catholic schools are just abusive. So many nasty mean people abusing children.
The best god, is no god.