Has anybody considered that maybe we don’t want to live longer?
My entire life, I feel like my only value as a person has been to provide financial benefit to others. There is no passion. There is only obligation.
I’ve met those obligations. Those obligations required a whole lot of struggle and doing whatever was necessary with no regard to my physical or mental well-being. If at any time I tried to take pause and do something for myself, I was considered loathsome and…favorite zeitgeist buzzword, toxic. Only when I returned to giving all of myself to others was there any tolerance of my existence.
Now in my fifties, I’m tired. I don’t mean I’m I need a nap tired. I mean it at an existential level.
I refuse to spend my remaining years in doctors offices as they systemically extract every remaining dollar I’ve got while telling me I’m a terrible person for not living a perfectly physical life. I’ll choose the early exit and a nice clean estate to leave to my daughter.
When my time comes, I will go quietly into that cold dark void, and I will do so enthusiastically. I see no value in prolonging the inevitable merely for the benefit of others. Let me have this one small thing
I’m so sorry to read this. It must be ok to do stuff for yourself, anybody that tells you no is the one being toxic. As they say in fight club, you are not defined by your job. Especially in this time of AI and extreme automation, we must normalise that not having a job, or not living for your job, doesn’t mean you are worthless. This is valid for women as well, btw.
It’s not personal issues, it’s patriarchal issues. Just about every guy I know past a certain age, myself included, feel the burn from this. You are expected to just give give give and anytime you have needs, including some damn rest, you are looked down on for it and marginalized. You don’t see how much of a dog shit deal this is until you burn out.
If you don’t have a reason to keep on living, you have to make one. Set your direction. You don’t have to live just to provide for others.
It’s like you didn’t read what he said. You can do exactly that, set your own reason and start expressing yourself as you feel. The problem is that you are looked down on for it and marginalized. One of my best friends is gay, and he works in sales. He has to conceal much of himself to get by, and even in situations where he’s comfortable discussing his orientation, even amongst his own circles the issue of talking about your feelings is still difficult for people to accept.
If it’s an issue for gay people, imagine how fucked it is for straight people. Your comment comes off as if you clicked reply on the wrong thing.
I get that it isn’t simple or easy. There are parts of myself that I hide in public too, things that shouldn’t matter but for some reason do.
But if people are demanding that you give and give and give until there is nothing left, you owe it to yourself to either tell them to get fucked or find a way to get them out of your life. Easier said than done, I know, but it is the only way you will be free of that bullshit.
you owe it to yourself to either tell them to get fucked or find a way to get them out of your life.
When that list includes your own mother, father, siblings, supervisor at work, and SO, I think your advice is tantamount to amputating a limb because of the discomfort it experiences in life, as opposed to recognizing the issue. I’m taking what you’re saying as aloof to the very subject matter here, and hence the subject we’re discussing here in the first place. The idea of telling your loved ones to get fucked and get them out of your life is in line with the issue of suicide, depression, and anxiety.
The depression from where you just became lonelier, and the suicide as many people see it as an “out”. You may as well just say, go kill yourself if you don’t like this world…and then we’re back to square one again.
Either way, have a nice downvote for your terrible attitude. I hope you have something better to say than the old “toughen up” advice that constitutes what makes this fucked.
If I sound aloof then I am sorry. But I have had to make similar choices. Saying goodbye to shit people can be truly difficult, but it’s either that or endure their shit if they won’t listen to you.
I am not saying to wallow in loneliness. You will need to find non-shit people to make a friend network, even just a small one.
It is a lot of effort and even the prospect is scary as fuck…but living a life enduring an untenable burden will never be better.
Sometimes life gives us impossible choices. Like upend everything or live in misery.
Bud, we hide this shit because the punishment for not doing so is worse than whatever we gain from not hiding it, we wouldnt have started hiding it if it weren’t
Ok and? I have autism too and the point still stands. The world we live in exists as it is and we have to work with that, fair or not. Isolation and ostracization arent healthier for you mental health than learning what you can and cant say
Seems like you are in a tight spot. It must be immensely hard for you to feel the burden of “having to give” while it seems that nobody really cares about your well-being and gives back. I’m really sorry for you. It’s obvious that you’re far from happy about that. That’s only natural. I bet most people would feel the same if they were in your spot. And yet, it really sucks that no one around you seems to see.
I can understand that you got exhausted by all of this and don’t want to continue living like that any longer than you need to.
I hope I don’t cross any line, whith the following. My apologies if that happens. Please feel free to ignore this completely if you’d rather not talk more about this.
Would you like to change your situation if it were possible somehow?
You said that you were misunderstood as “loathsome” and “toxic” when you tried to care for yourself. If it’s okay for you to tell us more about your situation: How did that happen?
Has anybody considered that maybe we don’t want to live longer?
My entire life, I feel like my only value as a person has been to provide financial benefit to others. There is no passion. There is only obligation.
I’ve met those obligations. Those obligations required a whole lot of struggle and doing whatever was necessary with no regard to my physical or mental well-being. If at any time I tried to take pause and do something for myself, I was considered loathsome and…favorite zeitgeist buzzword, toxic. Only when I returned to giving all of myself to others was there any tolerance of my existence.
Now in my fifties, I’m tired. I don’t mean I’m I need a nap tired. I mean it at an existential level.
I refuse to spend my remaining years in doctors offices as they systemically extract every remaining dollar I’ve got while telling me I’m a terrible person for not living a perfectly physical life. I’ll choose the early exit and a nice clean estate to leave to my daughter.
When my time comes, I will go quietly into that cold dark void, and I will do so enthusiastically. I see no value in prolonging the inevitable merely for the benefit of others. Let me have this one small thing
I’m so sorry to read this. It must be ok to do stuff for yourself, anybody that tells you no is the one being toxic. As they say in fight club, you are not defined by your job. Especially in this time of AI and extreme automation, we must normalise that not having a job, or not living for your job, doesn’t mean you are worthless. This is valid for women as well, btw.
It sounds like you have personal issues that go beyond aging
It’s not personal issues, it’s patriarchal issues. Just about every guy I know past a certain age, myself included, feel the burn from this. You are expected to just give give give and anytime you have needs, including some damn rest, you are looked down on for it and marginalized. You don’t see how much of a dog shit deal this is until you burn out.
If you don’t have a reason to keep on living, you have to make one. Set your direction. You don’t have to live just to provide for others.
It’s like you didn’t read what he said. You can do exactly that, set your own reason and start expressing yourself as you feel. The problem is that you are looked down on for it and marginalized. One of my best friends is gay, and he works in sales. He has to conceal much of himself to get by, and even in situations where he’s comfortable discussing his orientation, even amongst his own circles the issue of talking about your feelings is still difficult for people to accept.
If it’s an issue for gay people, imagine how fucked it is for straight people. Your comment comes off as if you clicked reply on the wrong thing.
I get that it isn’t simple or easy. There are parts of myself that I hide in public too, things that shouldn’t matter but for some reason do.
But if people are demanding that you give and give and give until there is nothing left, you owe it to yourself to either tell them to get fucked or find a way to get them out of your life. Easier said than done, I know, but it is the only way you will be free of that bullshit.
You just said and exact quote
When that list includes your own mother, father, siblings, supervisor at work, and SO, I think your advice is tantamount to amputating a limb because of the discomfort it experiences in life, as opposed to recognizing the issue. I’m taking what you’re saying as aloof to the very subject matter here, and hence the subject we’re discussing here in the first place. The idea of telling your loved ones to get fucked and get them out of your life is in line with the issue of suicide, depression, and anxiety.
The depression from where you just became lonelier, and the suicide as many people see it as an “out”. You may as well just say, go kill yourself if you don’t like this world…and then we’re back to square one again.
Either way, have a nice downvote for your terrible attitude. I hope you have something better to say than the old “toughen up” advice that constitutes what makes this fucked.
If I sound aloof then I am sorry. But I have had to make similar choices. Saying goodbye to shit people can be truly difficult, but it’s either that or endure their shit if they won’t listen to you.
I am not saying to wallow in loneliness. You will need to find non-shit people to make a friend network, even just a small one.
It is a lot of effort and even the prospect is scary as fuck…but living a life enduring an untenable burden will never be better.
Sometimes life gives us impossible choices. Like upend everything or live in misery.
Bud, we hide this shit because the punishment for not doing so is worse than whatever we gain from not hiding it, we wouldnt have started hiding it if it weren’t
I have autism. I know far more about that than you’d think.
Ok and? I have autism too and the point still stands. The world we live in exists as it is and we have to work with that, fair or not. Isolation and ostracization arent healthier for you mental health than learning what you can and cant say
May I suggest revenge? Great reason. Also nazi hunting is pretty sweet. Take a few of the bastards with you.
Seems like you are in a tight spot. It must be immensely hard for you to feel the burden of “having to give” while it seems that nobody really cares about your well-being and gives back. I’m really sorry for you. It’s obvious that you’re far from happy about that. That’s only natural. I bet most people would feel the same if they were in your spot. And yet, it really sucks that no one around you seems to see.
I can understand that you got exhausted by all of this and don’t want to continue living like that any longer than you need to.
I hope I don’t cross any line, whith the following. My apologies if that happens. Please feel free to ignore this completely if you’d rather not talk more about this.
Would you like to change your situation if it were possible somehow?
You said that you were misunderstood as “loathsome” and “toxic” when you tried to care for yourself. If it’s okay for you to tell us more about your situation: How did that happen?