Ok…but can we talk about that wifi enabled buttplug?

My take on this is that Jaz k is gaslighting all of us.

No, that’s not a painting. It’s actually a dog.

This is just proof that legalization ACTUALLY keeps the stuff OUT of teenagers hands.

When I was a teen, it was illegal. Everywhere.

Which meant that literally EVERYONE at school had it. I seriously did not pay for weed from 8th grade until about age 22, just because SOMEONE always wanted to party with the fat funny kid. Imagine getting to smoke weed with Chris Farley. Would you charge him? Or would you just invite him?

It wasn’t until I was living with my girlfriend, and we wanted to smoke together that I realized “oh shit…I guess I actually have to go buy it.”

And it was still illegal, which meant everyone had it. I just went to work, and asked literally the first person I worked with who they buy weed from. Turns out she grew/sold it.

It was illegal, and therefore unregulated, and therefore it existed freely.

Now, in most states it’s legal, and thus regulated, and thus the black market can’t exist.

The idea of teenagers NOT having free access to weed is absolutely foreign to me, but it’s the world we live in today. Whereas I grew up in the war on drugs. Which used the D.A.R.E program to educate kids on how cool drugs are, where to get them, and then passed out free samples. Which went missing. Years later I heard conspiracy theories that the D.A.R.E programs ACTUAL goal was to get kids hooked on illegal drugs, so they could arrest them as young adults.

And honestly? I don’t have much in the way of an arguement to dispute that. I’m not saying it’s true. I’m just saying I have no arguement against it.

It’s actually RFKs grandchild, who’s mother was the granddaughter of Noelle Bush.

Yeah. I fucking went deep for this throwaway joke.

Because your wife needs to hear it? Or because she’d get a kick from hearing it?

What happens if 100% of humans are inside the circle, and there is no other?

You should tell her you used to know that guy, and he has HIV.

Doesn’t have to be true, but fuck her! I mean, not with your penis, because ew, but just in general. To hell with her! Gaslight the fuck out of her, and give her anxiety and crippling depression. Act like you’re being a supportive ex, while at the same time driving her to the depths of insanity.

Bonus points if you can convince her that the guy actually died 10 years ago, and she slept with a ghost.

gesters at what’s happening to the country

Yeah…that’ll do it. I don’t even know which country specifically you’re from. I assume one of the ones on Earth. And honestly that whole planet is a flaming dumpster fire.

Except Antartica.

Ah, the weekend bender. When you wake up Tuesday morning, take a shower, and wonder why you have a “welcome to Michigan” bumper sticker slapped on your ass.

…when did you go to Michigan?

I like how in escalation of severity a cat meowing is above kids destroying the house.

So I was right then.

I used to work at a gas station. I’d have to clean the bathrooms once per shift.

The mens bathroom? A couple of wet spots next to the toilet. I always attributed this to the guys who end up getting multiple streams, and don’t know what to do.

The womens bathroom? Look. I know women bleed once a month. I get it. But ladies, what the fuck are you doing in the gas station bathrooms??? Are you having coat hanger abortions??? Is it like a woman thing to all contribute to one communal blood pool? There is no way these nightly horror scenes all came from one person unless they had a recently chopped off limb! Is Freddie Kruger attacking you ladies while you’re pooping? I have never figured out what the womens bathroom experience is, but it has SHATTERED any illusion to me that women are cleaner/neater than men. We may leave dirty laundry around the house for days, but you gals have an exorcism as you toot.

See, this is why everyone says girls don’t poop. They DON’T poop. They disembowel.

I must be doing it wrong. I gave birth to some kidney stones years ago.

Do not reccomend.

Don’t worry. I don’t pee on trees. I pee on my neighbors.

You weren’t alive in the 80s? Oh man. You missed out. There was cocaine EVERYWHERE!!! Just in the air.

The problem with that is, sometimes renovations take longer than 6 months. I don’t want to punish honest landlords, because then that incentivizes honest landlords to seek out ways to cheat the system, because the system cheated them.

It’s the same reason piracy is so popular in times when the official sources are either too convoluted or expensive to follow the official way.

Most customers would be happy to follow the rules, but if you want to watch 1 single NFL team through all 17 regular season games, my local team would require you to have access to an OTA broadcast tv source, and 5 different paid subscription services. Most of which are only broadcasting 1 game.

And now the NFL is seeing a MASSIVE rise in piracy. Yeah. No shit.

Same concept here. If you punish the honest landlords for undertaking a major renovation, then you push them to seek out other ways to cheat the system. And once they start, theres nothing saying they’ll stop.

…so you’re one of those people who seeks out overly complex and convoluted solutions for the sake of being different.

Here’s a fun little tidbit. Remember Marc Summers, and Double Dare? Remember how messy that show got?

Well Marc was actually a germophobe, and every time he got messy he would be having an anxiety attack as the show was being recorded. On double dare. DOUBLE DARE!!! The show that was so messy, it’s logo literally had a blob of green slime as the backdrop!

And every moment you see him, covered in mess, smiling away, just know that internally, he’s having a panic attack and in hell.

Yay childhood memories!

…I JUST woke up! Why do you want me to feel old???