Many instances are having growing pains, and figuring out which apps aren’t crap is difficult. On iOS, I’ve been pretty happy with Memmy, though Lemmios is good too.
Overall though, the communities here are more pleasant to interact with, and Reddit can’t be trusted. Lemmy has gotten significantly better in just the last month. Give it time and stick with it.
That all sounds god awful. You may consider giving Ally bank a try. No US banks can be truly private post patriot act, but their website is full featured and they essentially never charge fees. They also have crazy high interest checking rates, and decent customer service.
If you stick with your current horse corpse dumpster fire bank, I question the merit of avoiding downloading their mobile app and instead sticking your card into lots of random unverified ATMs to try to get balance reports. At least here in Montana, those reports will often incur a charge even if you don’t withdraw money. The app may not be great, but SSL is cryptographically sound and the bank has your social and your identity anyway. Sometimes it’s more secure to dance with the devil you know. Just a thought.
Either way, best of luck