• 4 Posts
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Joined 27 days ago
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Cake day: June 11th, 2025

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  • I’m so sorry 🫂

    That’s such a tough story - especially that the surgeon made it worse. Was the vaginismus like involuntary contractions that created too much resistance for the dilator?

    And I assume the surgeon might have had some solution for you if covid hadn’t happened?

    This is just heart-breaking Ada. But I’m impressed by your healthy and adaptive mindset about it.

    Has there been any thought about seeing the surgeon again or looking into rehabilitation, or is it easier to have moved on?




  • I’ve always gotten along better with women than men, but each woman and man is different and my ability to get along with them is more individual than generic.

    Still, on average women tend to be more kind, emotionally aware, and in my experience have made more rewarding and worthwhile friends.

    I know people report men being simple or straight-forward by comparison, but I find men can be difficult to read or understand, and less transparent about their emotions (even with themselves). This has made some relationships difficult at times, but I also think some of the issues are on my end. For example my partner gets along famously with guys and just knows how to vibe with them in a way I don’t.


  • I know, I’m so sad 😭 One of the nails literally come off entirely the next day. I was incredulous - and now three other nails have similarly sloughed off. I think it could be a bad bond of the base clear coat with my nail, I might need to like clean my nail with acetone first or something so it bonds better.

    So much to learn, but I did this on a whimsy, so it’s OK if it doesn’t last, it was always imperfect. 😁





  • ah, I could easily see that happening to me; every day the largest dilator is just so uncomfortable and it takes so much time and pain for it to stretch everything out, and doing that every day multiple times a day could be quite a burden.

    I completely understand getting exhausted with that task and not prioritizing it - that’s fair. This was a concern I had for myself, I even considered a shallow-depth / vulvaplasty for this reason (and I mean, there are so many reasons to do it - fewer risks, faster recovery, etc.). I’ve had struggles with executive dysfunction, so I was really concerned.

    I’ll just have to see how it goes - but I’ve also been told that maintaining width is really up to the individual. There’s no imperative to maintain a given width, and I’ve heard of people slowly stretching and getting width back after they paused dilation for a long time.

    I’m not sure how you feel about giving up on dilation, but it seems like it might be less of a big deal than some people make it out to be, at least.

    Either way, thank you for sharing your experiences - I’m so lucky to be able to learn from you. ❤️


  • I’m so sorry to hear that Ada :-(

    Do you remember when the scarring became evident, and what that timeline was like? I’ve heard tightening and scarring can happen after, and to expect to lose depth as a result - just not sure when to expect that. I’ve been using the smallest diameter dilator (Purple, 1 1/8 inch or ~2.8 cm) for the first 5 minutes to open up the canal and maintain the max depth I can (so far that’s up to the 5th dot).

    It’s hard for me to tell with my own situation - there is certainly a significant tightness down there, especially with the Orange dilator (it’s my first full week with that size). It can take me maybe 10 - 20 minutes sometimes to get the orange dilator as far as it will go (which is usually with the 4th dot as far as the inner labia, and the 5th dot as far as the outer labia and the 3rd dot no longer visible).

    Stretching a piercing doesn’t sound entirely outside what I experience - tense and uncomfortable describe some of my experience, I just don’t think it’s half as painful as, for example, anal sex has been for me. I was surprised by that I guess, maybe I built up dilation to be not just a day-long exhausting chore, but an intensely painful one as well.

    I’m so glad you were able to get the surgery, you have mentioned it was a long term desire. Honestly it feels like a complete fantasy that this is even possible. This surgery has been one of the most difficult challenges in my life, yet I agree that it’s life-changing and entirely worth all the suffering and effort.







  • We will allow the following women to be nominated by the council or referral agency, and join our public waiting list:

    1. Any woman female by birth (Gender recognition Act 2004)
    2. Any woman who holds a gender recognition certificate legally declaring her female (Gender recognition Act 2004)
    3. Transgender women who meet the definition of a person who ‘intends to undergo, is undergoing or has undergone gender reassignment’ (Equality Act 2010).
    4. Non-binary women who are either born female, or meet the 2 and 3 above

    We will not accept nominations from the council, referral agency or waiting list for:

    • men who cross dress
    • transgender men
    • anyone who we know has a history of male violence against women or children

    The QL system should ask for gender and options should be:

    • Man
    • Woman
    • Other

    3.4. In terms of if a woman transitions to a man while living in our stock we would not take any action to end the tenancy

    So, it’s a bit of a mixed bag - but it’s not the transphobic policy I expected (excluding trans women entirely). Not sure how transfem enbies would feel about this policy, or how difficult it is in the UK to get the gender recognition certificate, or what their definition of “gender reassignment” means.