This is a bit of a rant sparked by someone showing me a gore video, unprompted. I have some mental issues and I always feel totally foreign to the rest of humanity. I feel like a weirdo, an outcast. I have weird hobbies and don’t talk to people much, I’m always very nervous and jittery around others. This makes me come off as very strange and on bad days I can really get lost in my own head and start mentally beating myself up for not fitting in. But then something like this happens and I realize that while I may have an unusual personality, I’m not weird in the negative sense. Not like these fucking sick people who seek out, enjoy, laugh at, share, etc. videos and pictures of people and animals suffering. Why do they do this? Why did this person think it was okay to show that to me? Why did he have a big fucking grin on his face? Why did he cackle like a hyena when the thing happened in the video? Why did snicker and smirk when I showed distress and disgust? Why did he smugly say “are you triggered?” Yes I am in fact triggered. I literally have PTSD, though he doesn’t know that. Yes I am a weirdo, because I keep a messy home, do hobbies most people have never even heard of, smoke a lot of weed and have an odd way of speaking, I don’t go out much and don’t know how to navigate social situations. I keep to myself and while others may find me disconcerting because I’m not like them, I’m harmless and just trying to get through life. This person who decided to show that video to me is a fucking weirdo of the highest degree, but his shit is somehow more normalized, especially on the internet. Is this behavior the product of a violent and inhumane culture? Is it human nature and I truly am the odd one out? Why is this a thing, why do some people enjoy seeing the suffering of others?

Told myself I wouldn’t ever comment, just lurk, but I feel compelled to say that I personally support this, as an autistic person. Autism is debilitating for me. I would gladly welcome a reprieve from the hell it causes me.