Hello!
Boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years in December. We live 1 hour and 30 minutes apart and meet as often as we can, usually thatâs once or twice a week.
My boyfriend has changed a lot this year and it has sent me down a spiral. We barely talk, even if he is home all day. When we do talk, itâs me doing the talking. He responds to my texts maybe 2-3 hours later which usually wouldnât be an issue but iâve been with this man for 3 years and he was NEVER like this. He told me that sometimes he just doesnât feel like responding to me anymore, which again i understand but with everything else it just bugs me. The last time we spent quality time together was maybe a month ago? when we meet we donât talk much and we donât go outside either because he doesnât feel like it. I feel used and i feel like my emotional needs are not being met. I asked him many times if he is okay and whatâs wrong but there is never anything wrong. He doesnât seem depressed either. He seems okay with all of this. I am very confused and i communicated my confusion so many times, i feel like my tongue will fall off if i do it again. When we do go outside or when we are in the car, i want to use that opportunity to talk to him because i feel so disconnected from him but he always listens to loud music in his earbuds and it makes me feel like he doesnât really want to speak to me anymore. It was my birthday a while back and he had nothing planned, which made me really sad because i planned so much for him. He didnât even get me a small cake or a muffin, nothing. He also, and i know this doesnât matter but it just upset me, he makes 4x as much money as me because i am a college student with a part-time job and he works full time. I got him a gift over 150 bucks and his gift was maybe 30 max? not even what i wanted and he didnât have it ready on my birthday.
2 weeks ago we had an argument. I was at Uni and i had a terrible day and was crying on the train back home and he wasnât responding to me the whole day, so i texted my friend and she comforted me and offered to watch a movie online together when i am home. So i did that. My boyfriend was upset that i didnât call him when i got home and didnât want to speak to him after. I was hurt, because i really was struggling and i donât ask for help often but he wasnât there even though i know he was on his phone because i kept seeing his reposts.
I really donât know what to do anymore. When i try to communicate he really seems like there is no issue at all and he is okay with not speaking to me. He also told me that he is tired from work and canât help it but i just donât understand. He talks to other friends but having a conversation with me is too much for him.
Does this sound like he doesnât love me anymore?
He is tired of you but doesnât have the courage to leave the relationship. Its pretty typical.
If you changed your appearence in the last 3 years and maybe put on extra weight, that could absolutely be a factor too.
He is listening to music to avoid the talk. Because he knows that discussion may tear the relationship apart, and he doesnât want to be alone (just guessing). Or he wants to be alone but is too âniceâ to tell you that he wants out. Also the third behavior, to act as if everything is fine, is about avoiding the big talk.
Obviously everything is not fine and you need to have that serious talk, and if you donât get honest answers, you should break up with him.
He could still love you, but could be that he is not attracted to you anymore, and he feels ashamed about that too. I donât know. Just talk.
If he is not going to be honest, you canât fix the problem. You are doing more then your part in trying to understand and fix it. He must too.
i look the same. I havenât gained or lost any weight. And when i say i try to talk to him when we are out i am not really talking about having a talk about our relationship or anything, i tried that enough. I meant more like connecting. Sharing things and joking, laughing, that kinda stuff because he hasnât been sharing things with me anymore and i donât really feel like sharing anything with him over the phone. I tried talking so so so so often. We arenât getting anywhere and i donât want to suffocate him with it
You are right, it could be easier to try and get some kind of a basic connection again, but the problem will still be there⊠And you will have to figure it out.
But if you use that connection to remember what you like about eachother, it will make that hard conversation easier, unless your boyfriend gets angry and feels trapped and cornered. But I donât see how you can solve anything without talking about whatâs going on, and sooner rather than later. :)
But itâs hard to give advice about this. People are so different and when I read your words, I have imaginary people in my head since I donât know you guys. :) But I wish you luck anyway!