So a couple months ago I started questioning/cracked my egg. I feel kind of conflicted about it. I resonate a lot with some parts of the gender dysphoria bible and some things I’ve read written by other trans people which to me feels significant. It helped explain the background wrongness I’ve felt but brushed off for years and recontextualized some past experiences that I had clocked as weird but did not understand at the time.
On the other hand I don’t think what I am interpreting as dysphoria is debilitating or anything. I’ve worked, done some schooling and finished an associate’s degree so I feel like I don’t really have it that bad. I did buy some thigh high socks and I like them but I don’t think I felt euphoria or anything wearing them.
I’ve started seeing a therapist to treat my depression and anxiety and I talked about being trans with him a bit. We’ve only had a couple of sessions but he was surprisingly cool and very to the point about it. He said “So you are a transgender lesbian” while I was kind of dancing around it and it stunlocked me a bit. I do appreciate his support but I feel wrong thinking of myself in that way, like I haven’t earned it or maybe I’m just wrong and I’m not trans.
Did anyone else feel like this when they started to transition? Was there anything that made it easier for you to get over it?
Yeah, I always play as a woman if I can. This made sense to me because ‘every guy wants to be a girl’ but this is apparently not the case and is actually a pretty eggy thought.
This is the way.
I always end up wishing strong narrative focused games like Red Dead Redemption 2 would have female protagonists. Alas.
I’ve found that tabletop roleplaying games like Dungeons and Dragons, Monster of the Week, The Sprawl, and so on are so much better to get those kinds of “this is me!” stories. If you haven’t found much community yet for yourself (an important step for me, personally) I would look for queer roleplaying groups in your city or online.
Have you tried the game If Found?