So a couple months ago I started questioning/cracked my egg. I feel kind of conflicted about it. I resonate a lot with some parts of the gender dysphoria bible and some things I’ve read written by other trans people which to me feels significant. It helped explain the background wrongness I’ve felt but brushed off for years and recontextualized some past experiences that I had clocked as weird but did not understand at the time.
On the other hand I don’t think what I am interpreting as dysphoria is debilitating or anything. I’ve worked, done some schooling and finished an associate’s degree so I feel like I don’t really have it that bad. I did buy some thigh high socks and I like them but I don’t think I felt euphoria or anything wearing them.
I’ve started seeing a therapist to treat my depression and anxiety and I talked about being trans with him a bit. We’ve only had a couple of sessions but he was surprisingly cool and very to the point about it. He said “So you are a transgender lesbian” while I was kind of dancing around it and it stunlocked me a bit. I do appreciate his support but I feel wrong thinking of myself in that way, like I haven’t earned it or maybe I’m just wrong and I’m not trans.
Did anyone else feel like this when they started to transition? Was there anything that made it easier for you to get over it?
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Trans is just a handy label used to describe folks who have similar experiences. None of those experiences are identical, and none of them are any less valid for their differences.
The most important thing to focus on is figuring out what makes you happy and pursue it relentlessly. If that journey of happiness happens to be similar to what other people call trans, and you yourself are comfortable with that label, congrats - you’re trans! If not, you’ll still be happier than you are now.
There’s no right or wrong way to do this thing. There’s no rules for happiness.
It makes sense that you have your own unique experiences, and that you do and don’t resonate with others’. What’s been helpful to me is thinking of gender as a spectrum and that it’s fine if I don’t 100% fit into a neat little gender box.
It’s easy to try and fit yourself (or others) into these boxes. That’s how human brains work; by categorizing.
The reality is that your self and your experiences are unique and that transgender lesbian is a label you can use to describe your own experiences. There are many many more labels, all of which try their best to capture the nuances of the human experience with respect to gender and sexuality.
If transgender lesbian doesn’t feel 100% right then there is a plethora of other labels that maybe align better.
Another thing to be aware of is that, today, transgender CAN be meant to describe someone who’s true gender identity is on the opposite side of the gender spectrum. Maybe you’re actually somewhere in the middle, or off to one side, or some combination, or even feel that gender isn’t a part of your identity at all.
Ultimately you are the final authority on what you choose to label your true self.
I don’t really mind the labels transgender or lesbian. I think I’m just really in my head about it. It’s barely been 2 months since I’ve learned anything about dysphoria so this is pretty new to me. I am taking steps to start transitioning but it’s daunting to think about still.
Something I’d like to note, hormones can change your sexuality. I know prior to transition, I was only interested in women. Now that is far from the case. I know that wasn’t the point of your comment, just wanted to bring that up when it comes to the “lesbian” tag.
That’s really exciting!
What has helped me is to focus less on labels and more on how I’m reacting emotionally to different things. Like, how happy I felt seeing myself in a blouse and skirt for the first time. Or how badly I felt understanding that a conversation about “girls night” wasn’t an invitation to me. Or the relief of telling my partner what support looked like for me as I figure all of my own stuff out. Getting “sir”'d at a local bakery.
Like, I can either fall into the self-critical trap and view it as “evidence” of how valid my ideas of myself are or aren’t. Or I can chase those things that makes me feel whole, good, and welcome and trust that the work I put into being fulfilled in life is going to make everything I do that much more wonderful to experience.
At least that’s what I tell myself. Who knows how good I actually am about it. Being human is inherently messy and full of mistakes and learning from them.
Hey so I have a similar experience and can hopefully answer some of your questions. For reference I’m 30 MTF and have been on HRT for three years.
First and foremost, dysphoria doesn’t need to be debilitating for you to be trans. When I finally started transitioning, I was in a good job and had completely finished school. I was just so miserable even though I should have been happy. I had also been having dysphoria symptoms since I was around 8.
Second, I’ve always found euphoria to be a better measurement of being trans. The first time I was called ma’am by a stranger, I cried such happy tears. If you have some supportive friends, ask them to treat you like one of the girls, might give you a better understanding of your gender.
Third, try getting in with a therapist that specializes in gender dysphoria, they will be able to give you a much better understanding of what you may be feeling.
Fourth, it’s normal to question yourself. I question it all the time, but I remember how miserable I felt and how much better I feel now. That being said, that may not be true for you. You may not be trans, but no one here can tell you whether or not you are based on a single post. I do hope you have a safe and fruitful gender discovery, and if you have any questions, do not hesitate to reach out.
I was just so miserable even though I should have been happy
I can relate to this. I know objectively I’m not in a bad place but I just feel passively awful all the time. I think I’ve felt euphoria just from imagining the kinds of clothes I’d wear if I transitioned. It was a positive kind of rush that doesn’t compare to how I usually feel in the slightest. I guess I’m not doubting that I’m trans so much as I am restless to actually transition. I am in an awkward place atm but hopeful that I’ll be able to start HRT in the a couple years at most. Did you get any kind of mood boost just from hormone therapy itself? I am not opposed to socially transitioning, I am just not sure how helpful it could be on its own.
I’m not the person you asked, but I started HRT very recently so I think I am in a good place to gauge my mental changes. Honestly for me personally, I do not think hormone therapy affected my mood much. I feel great, but I think that feeling has come from finally starting changes in my life that I have long awaited. Other than that, I feel like it is easier for me to cry, which I like, and I just feel very much myself. I’ve heard other people say that they felt great immediately after starting HRT, so I suppose results may vary.
I have read people saying it happened to them but it does seem like a ymmv type of thing. Since I went through puberty I’ve felt pretty empty and disconnected so I’m hoping HRT will be able to do some heavy lifting for me in that regard.
So I’d say for myself personally, HRT didn’t improve my mood all that much. What improved my mood was socially transitioning. For more reference, I was on HRT for a year prior to publicly socially transitioning. Prior to that, I was out to family and friends. That alone did make me feel better. I’d actually say HRT makes you feel a little off. It changes your brain chemistry quite a bit. I ended up being way more emotional after starting hrt. Again, get with a therapist that focuses on gender issues. I know it can be hard, but they will be able to give you a much better idea of what you should do as opposed to internet strangers.
Fair enough. I’ll have to see what’s available in my area.
I’m kinda curious about your life. Because all your mentioned was work and study. Do you have an identity outside of that?
Kind of, I guess. I play games or read but they’ve mostly become something to pass time these days.
Have you ever played a game where you can choose a character? And does the gender matter to you?
Yeah, I always play as a woman if I can. This made sense to me because ‘every guy wants to be a girl’ but this is apparently not the case and is actually a pretty eggy thought.
This is the way.
I always end up wishing strong narrative focused games like Red Dead Redemption 2 would have female protagonists. Alas.
I’ve found that tabletop roleplaying games like Dungeons and Dragons, Monster of the Week, The Sprawl, and so on are so much better to get those kinds of “this is me!” stories. If you haven’t found much community yet for yourself (an important step for me, personally) I would look for queer roleplaying groups in your city or online.
Have you tried the game If Found?
Hey there, Is this relevant ? Its an serious asking 😅
For sure. Roleplay as different characters can be cathartic. I used to primarily pick female characters in games, and wasn’t entirely sure why. I like them. I wanted to be them. On a personal level. I just didn’t realize the depth at the time.
After I first came out as trans, I redid my GTA character, to be more in line with how I see myself or my trans goals, and seeing her, me, on screen, feels good, positive. I asked my son to make his goals instead of his current body, and while he enjoyed the gameplay, he enjoys the game that much more cuz he gets to be himself too.
If you haven’t tried making “you”, and not some charicature of yourself, I highly recommend it.
I did though, didnt thought that could be relevant. Now its so logic but I don’t know… Ty for the answer
Everyone is different in how they play games of course. For me personally it’s uncomfortable to play a man and it might be an early sign for others too. Of course it also depends on the game because some don’t focus on role playing. For example in half life you don’t see yourself and have no voice. Does it apply to you too or not at all?
Ive loved my woman characters on wow. On discord for raids (being RL), they used my characters name too. ^^
Disphoria and euphoria are really hard to describe since they’re just feelings. And if you’ve never experienced them, or learned how to know that you’re experiencing them, it’s basically impossible to identify.
I found it easier to understand how I felt about shopping for clothes when I was a man. For me it was practical, awkward, uninteresting. I just wanted to get it over with as fast as possible and move on. I didn’t care. In reality, now that I’m more aware, I would say that I was avoiding my true feelings about it because it hurt me to shop in the men’s section but I was bottling it up.
On the flip side, shopping for clothes as a woman is fun, and I like to take my time and try everything on. I feel excited when I see myself in the changing room mirror. That’s euphoria, baby!
It doesn’t have to be clothes shopping, try thinking of a bunch of different things that usually cause feelings of euphoria for cis people. Hair cuts, dressing up really nicely for a formal event, interactions in groups with your same-sex peers. That kind of thing. If you feel nothing about most of those extremely gender dependent things, but feel anything at all if you imagine the same scenario except you’re the opposite gender then you probably have disphoria about your current gender and are avoiding facing it because it’s painful.
