So a couple months ago I started questioning/cracked my egg. I feel kind of conflicted about it. I resonate a lot with some parts of the gender dysphoria bible and some things I’ve read written by other trans people which to me feels significant. It helped explain the background wrongness I’ve felt but brushed off for years and recontextualized some past experiences that I had clocked as weird but did not understand at the time.
On the other hand I don’t think what I am interpreting as dysphoria is debilitating or anything. I’ve worked, done some schooling and finished an associate’s degree so I feel like I don’t really have it that bad. I did buy some thigh high socks and I like them but I don’t think I felt euphoria or anything wearing them.
I’ve started seeing a therapist to treat my depression and anxiety and I talked about being trans with him a bit. We’ve only had a couple of sessions but he was surprisingly cool and very to the point about it. He said “So you are a transgender lesbian” while I was kind of dancing around it and it stunlocked me a bit. I do appreciate his support but I feel wrong thinking of myself in that way, like I haven’t earned it or maybe I’m just wrong and I’m not trans.
Did anyone else feel like this when they started to transition? Was there anything that made it easier for you to get over it?
I’m kinda curious about your life. Because all your mentioned was work and study. Do you have an identity outside of that?
Kind of, I guess. I play games or read but they’ve mostly become something to pass time these days.
Have you ever played a game where you can choose a character? And does the gender matter to you?
Yeah, I always play as a woman if I can. This made sense to me because ‘every guy wants to be a girl’ but this is apparently not the case and is actually a pretty eggy thought.
This is the way.
I always end up wishing strong narrative focused games like Red Dead Redemption 2 would have female protagonists. Alas.
I’ve found that tabletop roleplaying games like Dungeons and Dragons, Monster of the Week, The Sprawl, and so on are so much better to get those kinds of “this is me!” stories. If you haven’t found much community yet for yourself (an important step for me, personally) I would look for queer roleplaying groups in your city or online.
Have you tried the game If Found?
Hey there, Is this relevant ? Its an serious asking 😅
For sure. Roleplay as different characters can be cathartic. I used to primarily pick female characters in games, and wasn’t entirely sure why. I like them. I wanted to be them. On a personal level. I just didn’t realize the depth at the time.
After I first came out as trans, I redid my GTA character, to be more in line with how I see myself or my trans goals, and seeing her, me, on screen, feels good, positive. I asked my son to make his goals instead of his current body, and while he enjoyed the gameplay, he enjoys the game that much more cuz he gets to be himself too.
If you haven’t tried making “you”, and not some charicature of yourself, I highly recommend it.
I did though, didnt thought that could be relevant. Now its so logic but I don’t know… Ty for the answer
Everyone is different in how they play games of course. For me personally it’s uncomfortable to play a man and it might be an early sign for others too. Of course it also depends on the game because some don’t focus on role playing. For example in half life you don’t see yourself and have no voice. Does it apply to you too or not at all?
Ive loved my woman characters on wow. On discord for raids (being RL), they used my characters name too. ^^