So a couple months ago I started questioning/cracked my egg. I feel kind of conflicted about it. I resonate a lot with some parts of the gender dysphoria bible and some things I’ve read written by other trans people which to me feels significant. It helped explain the background wrongness I’ve felt but brushed off for years and recontextualized some past experiences that I had clocked as weird but did not understand at the time.

On the other hand I don’t think what I am interpreting as dysphoria is debilitating or anything. I’ve worked, done some schooling and finished an associate’s degree so I feel like I don’t really have it that bad. I did buy some thigh high socks and I like them but I don’t think I felt euphoria or anything wearing them.

I’ve started seeing a therapist to treat my depression and anxiety and I talked about being trans with him a bit. We’ve only had a couple of sessions but he was surprisingly cool and very to the point about it. He said “So you are a transgender lesbian” while I was kind of dancing around it and it stunlocked me a bit. I do appreciate his support but I feel wrong thinking of myself in that way, like I haven’t earned it or maybe I’m just wrong and I’m not trans.

Did anyone else feel like this when they started to transition? Was there anything that made it easier for you to get over it?

  • EsheLynn@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    1·
    1 year ago

    For sure. Roleplay as different characters can be cathartic. I used to primarily pick female characters in games, and wasn’t entirely sure why. I like them. I wanted to be them. On a personal level. I just didn’t realize the depth at the time.

    After I first came out as trans, I redid my GTA character, to be more in line with how I see myself or my trans goals, and seeing her, me, on screen, feels good, positive. I asked my son to make his goals instead of his current body, and while he enjoyed the gameplay, he enjoys the game that much more cuz he gets to be himself too.

    If you haven’t tried making “you”, and not some charicature of yourself, I highly recommend it.