So a couple months ago I started questioning/cracked my egg. I feel kind of conflicted about it. I resonate a lot with some parts of the gender dysphoria bible and some things I’ve read written by other trans people which to me feels significant. It helped explain the background wrongness I’ve felt but brushed off for years and recontextualized some past experiences that I had clocked as weird but did not understand at the time.
On the other hand I don’t think what I am interpreting as dysphoria is debilitating or anything. I’ve worked, done some schooling and finished an associate’s degree so I feel like I don’t really have it that bad. I did buy some thigh high socks and I like them but I don’t think I felt euphoria or anything wearing them.
I’ve started seeing a therapist to treat my depression and anxiety and I talked about being trans with him a bit. We’ve only had a couple of sessions but he was surprisingly cool and very to the point about it. He said “So you are a transgender lesbian” while I was kind of dancing around it and it stunlocked me a bit. I do appreciate his support but I feel wrong thinking of myself in that way, like I haven’t earned it or maybe I’m just wrong and I’m not trans.
Did anyone else feel like this when they started to transition? Was there anything that made it easier for you to get over it?
Hey so I have a similar experience and can hopefully answer some of your questions. For reference I’m 30 MTF and have been on HRT for three years.
First and foremost, dysphoria doesn’t need to be debilitating for you to be trans. When I finally started transitioning, I was in a good job and had completely finished school. I was just so miserable even though I should have been happy. I had also been having dysphoria symptoms since I was around 8.
Second, I’ve always found euphoria to be a better measurement of being trans. The first time I was called ma’am by a stranger, I cried such happy tears. If you have some supportive friends, ask them to treat you like one of the girls, might give you a better understanding of your gender.
Third, try getting in with a therapist that specializes in gender dysphoria, they will be able to give you a much better understanding of what you may be feeling.
Fourth, it’s normal to question yourself. I question it all the time, but I remember how miserable I felt and how much better I feel now. That being said, that may not be true for you. You may not be trans, but no one here can tell you whether or not you are based on a single post. I do hope you have a safe and fruitful gender discovery, and if you have any questions, do not hesitate to reach out.
I can relate to this. I know objectively I’m not in a bad place but I just feel passively awful all the time. I think I’ve felt euphoria just from imagining the kinds of clothes I’d wear if I transitioned. It was a positive kind of rush that doesn’t compare to how I usually feel in the slightest. I guess I’m not doubting that I’m trans so much as I am restless to actually transition. I am in an awkward place atm but hopeful that I’ll be able to start HRT in the a couple years at most. Did you get any kind of mood boost just from hormone therapy itself? I am not opposed to socially transitioning, I am just not sure how helpful it could be on its own.
I’m not the person you asked, but I started HRT very recently so I think I am in a good place to gauge my mental changes. Honestly for me personally, I do not think hormone therapy affected my mood much. I feel great, but I think that feeling has come from finally starting changes in my life that I have long awaited. Other than that, I feel like it is easier for me to cry, which I like, and I just feel very much myself. I’ve heard other people say that they felt great immediately after starting HRT, so I suppose results may vary.
I have read people saying it happened to them but it does seem like a ymmv type of thing. Since I went through puberty I’ve felt pretty empty and disconnected so I’m hoping HRT will be able to do some heavy lifting for me in that regard.
So I’d say for myself personally, HRT didn’t improve my mood all that much. What improved my mood was socially transitioning. For more reference, I was on HRT for a year prior to publicly socially transitioning. Prior to that, I was out to family and friends. That alone did make me feel better. I’d actually say HRT makes you feel a little off. It changes your brain chemistry quite a bit. I ended up being way more emotional after starting hrt. Again, get with a therapist that focuses on gender issues. I know it can be hard, but they will be able to give you a much better idea of what you should do as opposed to internet strangers.
Fair enough. I’ll have to see what’s available in my area.