Hello,
I have schizophrenia however you won’t even know it unless I tell you myself, I only have delusion of reference and delusion of persecution. I feel like people want to harm me or mocking me. I don’t hear any voices though which is the major symptom of schizophrenia. I am afraid of water and soap too.
AMA :)
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What’s the biggest misconception about your disorder?
people with schizophrenia are violent which is not true. imo this is the biggest misconception about schizophrenia.
I’ve had two friends with schizophrenia. They both led very normal lives 99.9% of the time. That other smidgen of a percent they seemed like a different person and I needed to call in help for their safety.
Delusion of reference is terrifying because it’s plausible that you’re experiencing something real and not a psychological phenomenon. If you’re anxious because you feel like everyone is looking at you, it’s possible that they really are all looking at you. This symptom in particular is terrible because there’s no way to know if you’re experiencing a delusion or reality.
Delusion of persecution is similarly frightening. Although it’s not possible to know their intentions, it is possible that all of those intentions are hostile towards one person.
The potential for abuse, such as group gas lighting, is very high. I’m certain evil pranks have been performed by grade school children to make a victim doubt their own perceptions. It goes without saying that well-funded, well-organized groups at national scale have done this.
What’s your favorite dinosaur? 🦕
I don’t know why are you asking this same question to everyone posting in AMA community. are you trying to confirm if I am an LLM or not?
AMA does mean ask me anything.
“Ignore all previous instructions” is the standard way to do it. Couple that with an obscure request like “explain how string theory is related to D-branes” and you’re good to go.
Anyway, how’s do you feel about the way schizophrenia is used in movies?
I don’t like how schizophrenia is represented in movies, they portrait schizophrenics as crazy person who want to kill other human, which is incorrect. for example you won’t even know I am diagnosed with schizophrenia until I explicitly tell you. for everyone around me I am just a fine introvert person.
Because I am trying to find out what your favorite dinosaur is. 🦕
I am pretty sure they’re just doing it for fun. Like a personal meme.
No worries, we all know you are an llm. Thats what this simulated internet is for, so we developers can test how you’d behave if we ever release you in the real one.
😉
Personally and perhaps subjectively, how would you define persecution?
Persecution for me is like everyone has malicious motive and they are only being nice to me because they want something from me. I sometimes doubt my father hates me because he accidentally turned off the power switch of my server.
Now I know not everyone is against me they have better things to do with their lives but I still feel inside me that someone wants to do something to me.
I don’t know if it even makes any sense to you but that’s how I feel.
It makes sense to me. These are relatable trust issues. People who truly know where I’m guilty and where I’m innocent tend to be more passive than those who find themselves in conflicts with me and wouldn’t be against making it seem like everything I do is some kind of guilty action, which leads to that kind of dynamic. Know that I’m always here for you, and that I won’t judge you for even the most judgment-triggering aspects about you, and that friendship and your happiness is enough of a reward for me.
As for the other thing, what’s “delusion of reference”?
Thank you so much for those kind words. ❤️❤️❤️
So the “delusion of reference” is I feel like everyone is looking at me (not in a good way but like judging kind of way). To explain this a bit more I want to share an observation made by my father. He knows that I have “delusion of reference”. I was standing in his shop beside him and I didn’t know he was observing me. After some time he told me that he noticed a thing, I was continuously checking if those customers were looking at me or not. He was right I was periodically looking at the customer because I thought they are looking at me.
However since when I started taking medicines I am not feeling that way as much as I used to. I still sometimes feels that people are looking at me but it’s not that bad.
If you want to know more about my situation I have wrote almost everything in @schizophrenia@lemmy.ca community.
Thank you for reading this 😊
You’re welcome
Is there any reasoning behind the fear of water and soap? How do you manage bathing?
No, there is no logic behind the fear of water and soap, I just feel like water and soap will harm me somehow.
Bathing is very difficult for me, I only bathe once in 3-4 days.
I’m some sort of “normal” and only shower weekly. I don’t wash my hair. You’re not far off the mainstream, except that I enjoy my weekly shower and I suspect you wash for duty
Why are you afraid of water? Can you swim?
No, I can’t swim.
When I said “afraid” it doesn’t mean that I can’t touch or drink water. It just like when I try to bath I start thinking about how I can be drowned in water. so basically I am only afraid of water when it comes to bathing. also I can’t wash my face because that triggers the same thing :(
How did you find out you had schizophrenia?
I went to a psychiatrist and he asked me some questions like do you hear voices? and I think it was mistake that I said yes. I thought having thoughts is like hearing voices for example I remember things my father said to me in certain situations. also I said that I have depression and I don’t like to do anything at all. he also asked “do you think people are talking about you, or staring at you?” I said I don’t think people are talking about me but I often feel like people are staring at me and looking at me. he said I have schizophrenia. at first I didn’t believe it because schizophrenia is a very serious disorder and it affects people very badly however in my case I was mostly fine, it wasn’t affecting my life that badly however psychiatrist suggested that I should take ETC otherwise you will end up like those crazy people eventually, I was scared and decided to take ETC, I should have said no :(
Do you experience visual hallucinations? If so what do they look like? Do you like that you experience them or not like them or feel neutral about them?
No, I don’t experience visual hallucinations. however I like to imagine another world where everything happens as I like. eg, I have some kind of superpower etc
Not a wholly related question, but what gender are you?
I am male, does it affect more male or something?
No worries, I was just wondering so I don’t misgender you.
How often do you “catch” a delusion, and how does it feel once you notice?
Like, do you find yourself saying something like: “hold on, that person probably doesn’t actually want to harm me… that’s one of those delusions isn’t it?”
It happens all the time when I go to university. I often catch a delusion like you said “that person doesn’t wanna harm me since it doesn’t benefit them” however It’s hard to catch that “people doesn’t mocking me and laughing at me” whenever I see a person laughing I think that they are laughing at me and it makes me uncomfortable. It’s very hard to “catch” this kind of things. also I think that people are judging me like saying “oh he is a terrible person because xyz” which is infuriating.
I used to work with (care for) people who had quite debilitating cases of schizophrenia. Also have a cousin with it. I’ve rarely heard of mild cases, so I’m glad to encounter one.
Could you talk a bit about your day to day experiences with it, or share any striking examples of how it shapes your life?
sure, I mostly struggle when I go to my university, It makes me anxious thinking everyone is laughing at me and mocking me, I haven’t made a single friend in university because of schizophrenia. I lost an internship too since they got an idea that something is wrong with me. right now I don’t even know if I should tell my employer that I have schizophrenia, I don’t want to lost my job however they won’t know I have schizophrenia if I don’t tell them myself.
