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As a former cashier (grocery store not walmart admittedly, but I doubt things are that different), I dont think weird uses for the items are the way to go, the cashier is barely even going to notice or care what you’re buying. what I bring to freak out the cashier, are some item that needs ID to buy, some big heavy item with the barcode removed so that it will take a bunch of lifting and turning in a hopeless effort to find it before someone eventually has to go find another one and bring it over, and a propane refill if walmart does those (at my grocery store the process to go find a full one was a pain, especially in the winter since they were outside). Further, I try to buy these items with the help of a ton of expired and unexpired coupons mixed together, several gift cards, and a stubborn half-deaf old person who wont take no for an answer.
You are a fucking monster. The point of this was to have some laughs not cause a poor walmart employee to beat their spouse or off them selves. Damn you’re cruel.
Hey, it could always get worse. I could also specify that these items are purchased on a Sunday that a locally favored football team happens to be playing a game, during the rush of people buying snacks and soda.
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Would it be more or less frustrating if instead of an old person, it’s a middle aged person who clearly doesn’t understand the language but keeps smiling and nodding as if you’re on the same page and any time you try to prompt for information, they encouragingly push their items towards you or try to pay you in a currency you don’t recognize?
A bit less, partly because it’s easier to be sympathetic to those people, and partly because, in my experience, it can be helped by getting out google translate on one’s phone, if one can figure out which language it is
What aisle has the half-dead old person
How make a cashier consider on the job suicide
I’m going with the classic:
Pringles can
Gloves
Sponge
Going in dry I see
Once you pop, the fun don’t stop. Shit’s getting chafed up in this bitch
Webcam, cactus and KY
You can’t buy Kentucky at Walmart.
Oh, I thought they sold it by the Florida ounce
I hope you are trying to be slick
Not without the Kentucky he isn’t.
SPIT ON THAT THANG
Swap cactus for mason jar
Kid’s backpack, kid’s lunchbox, and a gun.
The back to school in America special.
Put the gun in the lunchbox and the lunchbox in the backpack
Gun, bleach, get well card.
How to end up on a watchlist:
Pressure cooker, nails, prepaid phone
Casio F-91W watch, soldering iron, electronics wire.
You’re going to hang up balloons and cook a homemade meal for your SO on their birthday, and surprise them with a new phone
KY
inside out glove
couch
Ah the old JD Vance
What’s a KY?
Lube
Kentucky
bleach, ammonia based cleaner, mixing container.
uh oh, accidental chloramine gas bomb
reminder people, do NOT mix bleach with ammonia based cleaners to “speed up cleaning”. youll accidentally speed up life
Why doesn’t this happen when I piss in bleach
Brother if you’re pissing straight ammonia you’ve got other problems. Your body specifically coverts ammonia to urea because it’s toxic to you and it’s usually bacteria that converts it back.
Urea + bleach also makes chloramines
It’s diluted
It does happen, you just don’t get that much of a reaction because it’s diluted. You definitely don’t want to stick around the fumes that it gives off though.
Why do you piss in bleach?
The bottle says no need to flush the bleach before using the toilet
Huh, the ones I’ve seen always say to flush thoroughly, and I’ve been told it’s to prevent a potential buildup of residue from clogging the toilet or bursting a pipe. Maybe that’s outdated info, or because of a different formula? Wouldn’t be the first time some old wisdom doesn’t apply to modern products anymore.
Clogged toilets are unheard of in Australia, so don’t know lol
Can’t see bleach blocking any pipes
I’m good at this
Alligator clamps
Belt
LaxativesShipping boxes
Meat cleaver
Adult diapersBirth control
Bucket
BleachNight vision goggles
Fingerless gloves
Bubble bathMassager
Leather boots
Farady cage EMP bagZip ties
Meat grinder
Swim gogglesFunnel
Butt lifting suit
RopePrescription strength deodorant
Dog crate
Sorry for your loss cardWooden cross
Ammo
Jock strapOkay, actually it’s just a script I wrote.
Mop, wire coat hanger, pregnancy test.
The easy-way-to-end-up-with-a-police-visit classic:
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Plan B pill
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Giant “9” balloon
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Vodka.
At the risk of sounding stupid, why
It’s what some people will pickup before going to a house and getting a surprise visit from Chris Hansen.
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I once bought 50 cans of butane. That caused a stir. Managers got involved, I was asked a whole bunch of questions about what I was doing, it was annoying.
Oh yeah, also had a similar experience with spray paint.
I painted my skoolie (used school bus converted to a motor home) with about sixty cans of Rustoleum. It was annoying as fuck trying to buy the stuff at Home Depot. Like, I’m going to go tagging with fucking Antique White spray paint?
More like huff yourself to death
I’d be better off buying 60 cans of Reddi-Whip.
Who has the fridge space for that?!?!
What WERE you doing?
Making drugs, and graffiti
I think some of you have never been to Walmart and give the employees way too much credit in the intelligence department
I mean it’s more likely that they just don’t give a shit anymore.
Yeah, your weird items are probably not even the weirdest the cashier has seen today. And the cashiers are probably barely paying attention to what the items are anyway. They just don’t care. They scan the item, the machine beeps, so they put it on the belt. I bet 90% of the time if you asked a cashier what the last item they scanned was, they wouldn’t have any idea.
This is accurate to my experience when I worked at the supermarket.
And that’s what I prefer.
Do you feel good being so vastly intellectually superior to those dumb fucks serving you? Must be awesome 😊
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Gun, ammunition, balaclava
Gun ammunition, baklava
Last meal
Hmmm, a baklava gun.
Now I want some of that sweet full-auto pastry goodness.
This depends on the color of your skin. Anything darker than a farmer’s tan and she’s probably calling her manager over, but otherwise she probably won’t bat an eye.
Here, terrorists in balaclavas are stereotypically white
You ain’t never been hunting have you
Sodium Hydroxide, hacksaw, large trash can
In the era of ai and facial recognition, this is the only one so far that seems like it could plausibly get you a knock on the door from law enforcement. Good job.
